Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.

I recently started a conversation with a young woman, who told me that she and her husband have been having some marital struggles. She told me her husband had been involved in an emotional affair with a woman that he works with. The husband and the other woman had been exchanging text messages for months. The young woman explained that her husband had promised to end the relationship but there were still messages exchanged between him and the other woman.

I had asked the young woman why she thought her husband decided to turn to another woman for emotional comfort. She told me that she used to work nights and that left little time for “us” time. She continued to tell me that her husband by nature was not an overly affectionate person and she grew cold. When he wanted the affection, she could not reciprocate.

To me, this break down is all about communication. Nights apart are hard. It is easy to lose sight of the love once shared, when it feels like you are living more like roommates than lovers.

Men and women in committed relationships do not stray, physically or emotionally for no reason. Unless, of course they are a sociopath. Often times the person that was strayed upon will say things like-- why her/him? He/she is ugly. Looks, size, and all the outer perceptions do not matter.

It is all about how this other person makes them feel. Especially in an emotional affair. They feel safe, connected, loved, wanted etc… all because communication in the marriage/committed relationship broke down. The huge disconnect- The ‘I’ve fallen out of Love’ effect.

You cannot control people and their intentions, but you do control you and yours. . Look inside you- how can you make an effort to regain the communication and connection? How can you make your partner feel safe, loved, wanted and most of all appreciated.

If your partner tells you he is serious about saving the marriage/relationship here is some suggestions I have they have to act on and not just provide lip service…

·         All contact with the other person needs to stop immediately.

·         Cell phone numbers need to change- - this process takes less than 10 minutes just contact your cell phone provider.

·         Your partner has to be accountable for his time when the two of you are not together. This is a trust building exercise.

·         Counseling- you both need to learn new communication tools.

·         Do not blame- you both are to blame.

 

Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.  

Step away from the ice cream....

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

All too often, when something does not quite go our way, we lose a client, a job, a rejected presentation and so on, and we feel defeated, depressed, and like a failure. We tend to invert ourselves into self-loathing thoughts and self-deprecation. Why do we do that? Because- it is easy and surprisingly a comfortable space to be in. Curled up with a box of tissues and a tub is Ben & Jerry’s, sobbing how nothing is going right in your life and you are just a big fat loser.

However, you are in fact NOT a loser. We all go through moments where we throw up our hands and wave a white flag. The key is to move on quickly. Do not allow yourself to act like a pig in mud, wallowing in your depressive thoughts. If you are not careful, you can be stuck in that mindset.

It all comes back to believing. Believing in yourself and your abilities and your dreams and desires. Remember- I posted this before; everything you desire in life already exists in the Universe. You have to believe, trust, and turn on your enthusiasm so you are open to receive.

 Without the belief, trust and enthusiasm you feel like a failure. When in fact, that failure you just experienced, was nothing more than a stepping-stone, a learning experience, an open door to the next opportunity.

When these ‘failures’ happen- take a moment, be still and listen. Listen to the voice inside you. Then get up, dust yourself off and take actions to explore the next adventure.

Remember- every trip, fall, stumble, detour or for a lack of a better word ‘failure’, is the Universe nudging you, or shaking you awake telling you it’s time to move on to the next level. One-step closer to your calling and all its abundance.

 

Now put down that tub of Ben & Jerry’s and move your ass….

March to the beat of your own drum.....

If you compromise your desires, you will compromise your strength. – Tama Kieves

That is a powerful statement. A statement that spoke to me in a very deep and profound way. All too often we listen to the people closest to us, parents, teachers, friends and loved ones,  to take the safe path in life. To always “do the right thing”; take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path.

Being rational, safe, predicable, and practical is not always the true reality of you and your soul’s desire; it can actually hold you back from doing what you are put on this earth  to do. There are times when rational, safe, predicable, and practical can smother your dreams to death.

Did Steve Job, Bill Gates, or Mark Zuckerberg take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path? No, they marched to the beat of their own drums and followed their desires without looking back. They believed deep within themselves what they were doing was the work they were meant to do.

Sometimes it’s thought, ‘I don’t have an office, I don’t have the right credentials on my resume`’ Maybe you aren’t sure what exactly you are meant to do in life, but you know for certain what you are doing now isn’t’ it. Waiting to achieve the ‘office and or credentials’ or waiting to the perfect time to get started. News Flash- it is never a perfect time. Procrastination is just another form of fear and excuses. You feel that restlessness, almost like a gravitational pull away from what you are currently doing. As long as you continue to wait for the perfect time and procrastinate, you will continue to feel this restlessness. I believe this restlessness is your soul speaking to you, whispering and beckoning you to wake up.

Believe it, feel it and it will manifest into reality.

 

Now- pass me the Bongos... I have some marching to do.

 

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Words are very powerful. We constantly say things like:

I do not know….

I don’t have the money….

I don’t have the time….

I want to do ____, but I don’t know how…

It’s time to change the way you speak. Be very conscience of your words.

If you speak the word ‘want’, you are coming from a state of lacking.

Everything you have ever wanted and desired already exists. You just have to believe it and align your mind, your heart, and your actions so you can manifest it into reality.

Start by replacing “I want”- with “I will” for example:

I will write a book…

I will travel to Mexico...

I will help people…

I will go back to school…

I want vs. I will paradigm is VERY powerful.  

Change ‘I don’t know” into things like:

I am available to receive guidance.

I am figuring it out….

Another powerful tool to help manifest what already exists for you, is to take action. Nothing comes out of thin air.

Book and event or a trip that you have been “wanting to do” and turn it into something you “will do.” Even if you don’t have the money or the time now. Once it has booked you will be surprised how easily you come up with the money and the time. Think about it- we can always come up with a hundred different ways why right now is not the right time. It is NEVER the right time.

Once you change, “want” into “will” and you take the action; keep moving forward. Make sure you see it through and finish. It is easy to start telling yourself reasons why you should quit, like:

It is too expensive…

It is too hard…

 

Align your thoughts, feelings, actions, and consciences and you will see the magic.

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Ain't NOBODY got time for that shit....

You have heard the term "Frenemy"- Someone who you think is your friend & confidant, however in reality is more an enemy. Personally- the word enemy is a bit harsh. I like to think of it as an insecure, jealous, envious, judgmental, hypocritical, & miserable person.

I have in resent past encountered person(s) like mentioned above myself. Someone, who I thought of highly as a friend, turned out to me nothing more than a schoolyard bully in an adult body.

A person that was emotionally stunted and for whatever reason was never able to mature and evolve into a fully rounded, open-minded adult. A person who, surrounds themselves with likeminded adult bullies and “frenemies” to make themselves feel superior.

When sadly, in reality, these likeminded people are just waiting on the chance excrete their own version of insecurity, jealously, enviousness, judgment, hypocrisy and misery on their ‘friend’.

 

It is a vicious cycle, and…

 

Ain’t NOBODY got time for that shit…

Parent from a place of love not hate....

Divorce is never pleasant or easy, especially if there are children involved. Far too often parents make the mistake of fighting and name-calling in front of child/children and try to manipulate them to choose a ‘side’.  This ALWAYS backfires.

When I decided to leave my marriage, it took almost three years for my divorce to be officially final. I the beginning, we were peaceful and then things turned and we each fought tooth and nail for custody of our son. After a long year custody battle, I was rewarded primary custody, the official divorce shortly followed.

Once the dust settled, my ex and I talked for a very long time and agreed that we both never doubted the love for our son. We both agreed to actively co-parent our son. We created him from a place of love; we should continue to parent him from the same place and mutual respect.

Shortly after our divorce, my ex remarried. I know many women who HATE the new wife and label her as the evil stepparent. However, I have always encouraged my son to be nice to his father’s new wife. She is kind to my son and honestly, I could not wish for a better bonus mom for him. No one could ever replace me, but I am comforted that there is a woman who loves him and cares for him in my absence.

For our son, divorce has been good for him and us combined. We were not able to give our son what he needed and desired together. However, we are now able to give him more than he could ever ask for. We are separate but working together. I can tell you it shows in our son. He is the kindest and purest human being on the planet.

I wish all divorced parents could put their differences aside and choose to raise their children ‘together’. I also wish parent stop refusing the other parents parenting time. Children need their mom and dad. If you are a single mother and you are lucky enough to have an ex that wants to lead and active life in your child’s life, let him. There are far too many deadbeats out there.

When my son is with his father during his parenting time, I enjoy it. I get to have some “me” time and my son gets to have his “Daddy time”.

Personally, I think our son is the luckiest kid around. He has the best of both worlds and he knows that without a doubt he can trust both of his parents.

Parent from a place of love not hate....

Fly higher...

Many ancient cultures have had conceptions that the Earth was flat. An archaic belief that the Earth’s shape is a plane or a disk. In ancient time’s people could not fly high enough to see the curvature of the Earth and know that it is in fact round. Much like our lives really, we are stuck in a rut. We think our lives are flat and boring and cannot seem to get a grip of what we really should be doing with our lives.

A few lucky people were born with an internal knowledge of what their lives purpose is, and go after it with full force and never doubting. Most of us, well people like me, have not been blessed with he knowledge of our life’s purpose.

We cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe we need to fly higher to see the curvature of change ahead. This got me thinking... just because we are not where we thought we would be life, living out our dream career; why not it fake until you make it.

I want to be a writer. Currently, I am not a legitimate writer. I have no formal training, other than this blog and maybe a few others I do not have anything published to legitimize myself with a title of WRITER!

However, that does not stop me of dreaming, flying a little higher, and telling myself that I am indeed a writer. By changing my state of consciousness and shifting my thought process, I am one-step closer of being a writer. I have the power to change my own reality. The key is to truly believe it.

You too, have this same power. Let go of all the negativity that fills your head and the excuses of why you are not able to do what it is you want to pursue in life. Remember this, Dreams are realized in a world without excises. Start living, dreaming, and creating your own reality that YOU want to live and stop excusing your life and dreams away.

 Change your state of consciousness, believe and fly higher.

YOU are a BADASS!

I feel as if I am in a transitional period in my life. I am 38 years old and I still do not know what I want to do when I grow up. When does a person know when they have officially grown up? I have no clue.

Looking back it seems I have been wondering aimlessly my entire life with no real career goals. I have always heard people say, “Do what you love, and it will never feel like work”.

So, I asked myself… what do I love? What are my passions in life? Do I actually have any passions? I mean, I have things that I enjoy doing, but am I really passionate about them? Oh shit, I have no passions!! What does THAT mean? I am screwed!

First, I looked up the definition of Passion. This is what Google says:

1.    noun

Noun: passion; plural noun: passions; noun: Passion; noun: the Passion

1.    1.

Strong and barely controllable emotion.

"A man of impetuous passion"

§  A state or outburst of strong emotion.

Second, I made a list of things I really enjoy, however I would not consider passionate.

·         Reading – Honestly, I do not have time to read so I am in love with Audio books.

·         Cooking – I do not suck, I am pretty darn good. THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

·         Writing- This is a fairly new hobby and something I want to explore further.

·         My doggie- Ok, honestly I am slightly obsessed with them.

·         People- I am a social person.

So what does a reading, foodie, aspiring writer, dog-loving people person do for a living? I am in Logistics and Transportation and I am attempting to dabble in Real Estate, which is turning out to be an epic fail. In addition, I find my day job to be soul sucking. I am chained to a desk 8-10 hours a day and made to do things for money.

Queue in the self-loathing. Self-deprecation is something I have totally mastered in my life. Is this why I am having a hard time identifying my passions?

Yesterday, I started listing to Jen Sencero’s book “YOU are a BADASS- how to stop doubting YOUR GREATNESS and start living an AWESOME LIFE”

Yes, I know... it is a self-help book, but who doesn’t need a little self-help from time to time. I have to say I am feeling a little inspired. For a while, I have been feeling nothing. Just not trying to rock the boat, going with the flow. I am tired of that. I want to be in control of my own schedule and life and not by someone else... I.E Boss.

In the meantime, I have decided to take the advice of Jen and her book and I am going to start meditations and yoga and saying affirmations. This is supposed to clear all of the junk in my head and maybe, just maybe I’ll discover what it is that I am passionate about.

My first affirmation : YOU are a BADASS!!!

Enjoy the ride....

Life has not turned out the way I imagined it as a child/teenager. Of course it never does. In addition, if I try to think back on what my ideas on grown up life was, it is somewhat hard to remember. What I do remember is being a teenager, full of angst and insecurities and looking at woman my age now and having a sense of envy. I remember thinking:  when I am that age I am going, to have it all figured out and I will be more confident and know exactly what to do with my life. Basically, I thought I would have my shit together. In reality, this is the furthest thing from the truth.

 

I have been married twice and I have three children, two of which I have a strained relationship with. I live thousands of miles away from my family, which has been a personal choice, but it has been a struggle. After two divorces, loss, struggle, two kids deciding to life with their father and trying hard to keep it together on a daily basis, I am filled with more uncertainty and anxieties than ever. I still feel like that insecure teenager at the age of 38.   I wondered the other day, those women I used to envy if they had the same feelings then that I do now.  

 

I have always been very high strung, a little overly dramatic and never had any patience. I still am to this day, all these things however a little less day by day. I credit the slow transformation to my longtime boyfriend, Eric. Eric is the most patient person on the planet. I am sure it helps that he is hard of hearing and has mastered the skill of just tuning out, but his core nature is extremely calm. Over the past three and a half years, he has taught me many life lessons. He never judges people, which frankly I find very fascinating. Of course, like me, Eric came with his own past baggage. However, he never let it affect our relationship. I on the other hand, willing wrapped myself up in all sorts of drama.

 

It takes a very strong man to be with me any length of time. I am not talking about physical strength; I am talking about emotional strength. Eric has that. It is not easy. Relationships are hard work. I make mistakes every day; he never judges me but loves me through them. I have learned a lot from Eric over the years and I am still learning every day; about me, what it is that I want in life and the areas of my life I am not proud of and are a work in progress. However, aren’t we all? Nobody is perfect. My past does not define me it has enhanced me. My future is unknown, as is everyone’s future. There are no guarantees in life. Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

 

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, Life is a journey, not a destination.

 

Enjoy the ride…….

 

 

Phenomenal Woman, By Dr. Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Why you should always wear underwear and never trust a mumbling sleeping man’s word…

I have posted about my hectic mornings before and with the kids on summer vacation, my mornings still are not any less hectic. You would think that with fewer kids to herd in the morning, I would have more time to get ready. However, sadly, that is not the case.

I can recall the alarm going off at 6AM and I attempted to hit the snooze button but instead I inevitably turned off the alarm. Which actually started a “misunderstand argument”, I’ll explain more of that later.

This morning I had a very hard time prying myself out of bed. It has been storming and there is nothing more I enjoy than sleeping through a thunderstorm. Eric has been working late this week, and I mean into the early morning hours. When I finally got out of bed, around 630AM, I asked Eric “Is your dad coming to get the kids this morning?” He moved and mumbled that he would call him when he woke up to get the kids to let them all sleep. Therefore, I did just that. I sent Eric’s dad a text telling him not to come and get the kids this morning they were all sleeping.

I went upstairs, got a drink of water, got my phone, and let the dogs out. I sat on the front stoop scrolling through my Facebook feeds and watching the dogs run through the neighbor’s sprinkler. I could have stayed on the stoop for another hour; however, it was time to get ready.

Like every morning, the pups follow me into the bathroom, lie on my dirty clothes, and watch me get ready. After my shower, I kept thinking about what I was going to wear all day long. Standing in my closet I realized, Ben, my son, has 10 times more clothes than I do. I decided on a long skirt and a top and realized I was out of underwear. I really need to bring the laundry upstairs and put everything away. I made a mental note to grab a pair from the laundry room on the way out of the door.

I managed to pack my lunch once back on the main level and put the doggies back in the kennel before walking out the door.

Half way to work, I realize I am not wearing any underwear. I knew instantly this day was going to shit from there on out.

Later that morning I got a frantic phone call from Eric; “WTF? You turned the alarm off and now I’m late for work.” I asked you this morning, and you told me you were not going in until later. I did what you asked me to”, I replied. “NO I did not!” “How is this my fault?” I asked. “Because you turned off my alarm.”

He did not talk to me for the rest of the day…

 This is why you should always wear underwear and never trust a mumbling sleeping man’s word…

 

You can't make this stuff up......

Here are a series of random conversations I've had so far this week:

Unnamed: I broke my back a couple of years ago.

Me : How on earth did you break your back?

Unnamed: Let's just say there was a sex-swing and a trampoline involved.

<CRICKETS>

Me: Um... Okay. You must not have been very good. Just sayin'.


-----------------------------------------

Me: How many loads can you move out of Atlanta this week?

Unnamed: I can move as many loads as you want for the right price. As long as I can make a little bit of money I'll move the loads.

Me: That's good to know.

Unnamed: I'm like a cheap whore.

Me: LOL- well that's good to know.

Unnamed: I'm not afraid to admit it. Want me to put on my "Jester suit" and do a dance.

Me: No thanks.


-----------------------------------------

Unnamed: I think I might dress up as a clown this Halloween.

Me: I don't like clowns. I think they are creepy.

Unnamed: Why? It's not like Midgets.

Me: I have a irrational fear of "Little People".

Unnamed: What if I hire a Midget and have him dress as a clown, and send him to you as a present.

Me: My worst nightmare!!

Unnamed: You know you are going to hell for hating on Midgets.

Me: First of all, they are called "Little People" and second I didn't say it was right, but it is what it is. I freeze in their presence. I can't help it. Then I stare and I don't know what to do.

Unnamed: Yup, you're going to hell.

Me: Well, I'll save you a seat. Why did you call for anyway? To tell me about you Halloween costume in June?


------------------------------------------------

This has been a strange week so far and it's only Wednesday.

You can't make this stuff up, people...

If only.....

I am sure you all know the expression “trust your gut”. In other words, trust that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when it comes to making decisions. That feeling that you know is right but sometimes when your heart is telling you one thing and your “gut” is telling you another, it's hard to always go with what is right rather than what is easy. However, that feeling I get in my “gut” is usually hunger or indigestion so I have never really understood the true meaning of “trusting your gut” before I had some important real-life decisions to make.

When it comes to relationships, it is your heart that is doing most of the talking and that poor little gut of yours always takes the back seat. I always thought there was only one way to decide anything when it comes to love and that is to follow your heart – as they tell you in most Disney films – but in fact, it was ignoring my heart and led me to make some of the best decisions I have ever made. It was my gut, my little, slightly round, a bit too wobbly gut that made the decision for me and I never looked back.

Every situation is different, we all have different lives, which require different things, and although your decision may be a bit less adventurous than mine, or more adventurous for that matter, it does not make them any less important. Whatever decision you are faced with, listen to your instinct, to your gut, because he is a lot smarter than he looks.

 

Now if only I could take my own advice.....

How kids feel about Pizza.....

What would I do for the love of pizza? For the love of pizza, I would do almost anything. Within reason of course.

I would serenade the cheesy, saucy pizza from outside a restaurant with my loud cow-like singing voice. An orchestra would have been better.

I would buy as many pizzas as I could with as many toppings as I like that it would appear I am a hoarder, who is living in my own underground pizza world. I would never go hungry and no one could ever get in! Of course I would end up broke and outside my home with tons of pizza and nowhere to go. Obviously, I did not think this through.

I would roam the entire United States in search for that ultimate pizza and hopefully I did not leave my wallet in another state along the way. No!!!

I would buy a whole pizza for myself and see the hungry, angry, penetrating stares of my family looking back at me as I race out of the room with the cheesy, saucy goodness clutched to my chest. Ow! It burns. It BURNS!

I would prepare a candlelight dinner for two, just me, and the pizza with one topping outside on the deck. People who walk by would look at me as if I am crazy because I am talking to my food mate. Get it? Soul mate, Food mate. Clever huh? They just do not understand our love.

I will not share my pizza. It is mine! Get your own.

 

This is how kids feel about pizza.....

 

 

 

How many do women actually own????

We all have that moment when we find a bra that we love and want to wear it as often as possible. It makes the girls look perky, alive and saying “hello world!” For less fortunate girls some bras even offer a little size boost or on the other end of the spectrum, strong support and comfort. After some extensive wear, we all have to face that sad, sad moment when our favorite bra dies and we are forced to go bra shopping.

Although finding a new over the shoulder boulder holder or a few new ones is a task, knowledge is key. There are so many questions surrounding bras such as, “do we really know our size?”, and the oh so common “bras, how may do women actually own?” and do not even begin to talk about all the types of bras available. Yes women, we are lost, dazed, and confused. Fortunately, shopping at the right place and knowing what you need can make you and the twins happy. To start, every woman needs to have a bra fitting. Trust me; it will change your life. Chances are you have been wearing the wrong cup and band size for years. As for the number of bras you need, the answer to that is:

- At least three everyday bras
- A minimum of one sports bra
- 2-3 solution bras (strapless, plunge bras, balconettes, etc.)
- 2-3 colorful, fun bras of your choice

As for bra types the important thing to know is find the right one for you. If you need more support try an under wire, looking for something to wear under thin shirts and blouses try a seam free style, and buy a multiway bra to wear to have multiple bras in one.

Overall, finding an over the shoulder boulder holder takes more work than it should but it can be done. All women need a few bras so it is best to know your correct size, choose a style that is right for you, and avoid being left saying,

 

“How many do women actually own?”

 

 

 

Where the BLEEP is my coffee?

While waiting at a stop light on my way to work this morning, I noticed a woman in the car next to me brushing her teeth. I cannot say this is something that I have seen before. I started to wonder, are we really that crunched for time that we have to brush our teeth while driving to work?

I started thinking about my own hectic mornings. Every morning is the same. Even if I plan for things to go differently the night before.

The snooze button on the alarm is hit at least three times. Slowly, I drag myself out of bed, make the bed, and head up stairs. I let the dogs out, feed the cats, wake the kids, let the dogs in, wake the kids again, turn on the news, wake the kids again, fold some laundry, wake the kids again, lay out my lunch so I won't forget it, remind the kids to eat breakfast and to brush their teeth...all this before coffee.

After my shower, my Little Rikki always feels the need to lick my legs, because it seems that I have missed that particular spot in the shower. After drying and styling my hair, doing my makeup and brushing my teeth IN THE SINK, I stand in my closet saying, "I have NOTHING to wear, URG!" I do this EVERY morning.

I vow that I will buy a new outfit with each check to replenish my wardrobe, but that never really happens. After finally deciding what to wear for the day and I check the time and FREAK OUT... I am late... I yell at the kids "It's time to go, hurry we are late!" Once in the car, always one kid that forgets something and has to run back inside.

After dropping the kids off at school, I rush to work, weaving through traffic trying not to hit all the red lights. While stopped, is when I notice other rushed and stressed out people in the mornings. Brushing their teeth, putting on makeup, combing their hair and I have even seen men shave in the car. I wonder have they had their coffee yet.

By the time I get to work, I am exhausted.

I am sure there some that would suggest going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. That is easier said than done. By the time I get home, most evenings are filled with cooking dinner, homework, making the kids shower, laundry and of course my pups. Before I know it, it is 10PM and I am rushing the kids to bed. There is zero time to relax I am always rushing.  

So in the meantime, where the BLEEP is my coffee?

 

Success lies beyond your comfort zone....

My mother tells me to practice what I preach. So, I will be the first to admit, I get stuck in my comfort zone. You know, that place where we sit and complain how lives sucks, we are broke all the time, I want to find true love or I wish I had my dream job. It's the idea we have in our heads of what life would be like 'if only', but we are too comfortably miserable to actually do anything about it.

I am a walking contradiction. For example; I am a very social person. I can talk to strangers standing in line at a grocery store or in an elevator complimenting some lady on her shoes. I'm out going, and I consider myself a people person.

What I can't do is promote myself.

I have a Real Estate License, when chatting people up I can't find it in myself to insert the fact that I have a Real Estate License. Why is that? You would think a social creature such as myself would find no shame in broadcasting that with a firm handshake introduction and a passing of my business card. I mean, that's how you get leads, make connections. I would rather anonymously have a random conversation and if Real Estate came up, I would recommend my friend. I'm sure you are shaking your head right about now (no worries, so am I) and asking "Why?" - while scrunching your nose and making your eyebrows frown and creating wrinkles on your forehead.

I'm comfortably miserable in my comfort zone.

The truth is, it feels awkward and unnatural to me to promote myself. It's not like I'm selling my body and chatting up a stranger on a street corner, offering up my body for a cheap roll in the hay. - Is the term Roll in the hay still used? Huh... anyway...

I know I am not alone in feeling this way. At least I think I'm not, because if I'm alone in this I deserve a freaking AWARD!!!

I'm realizing more and more that there is no such thing as failure. The only failure is in not trying. So what if you hand someone your business card and they make a face and say something dismissive; "No thanks. I'm not interested" or "I don't need a Real Estate Agent.". Whatever the response is, it's irrelevant. What's relevant is that you made and effort and you put yourself out there.
If you try, really try, you know like handing someone your business card and offering your talents/services, then you are NOT failing!

I don't want to lie on my deathbed riddled with regrets of all the times I could have and should have, because I was too scared and of all of the  missed opportunities I just let slide by.

So, I'm going to take my own advice and practice what I preach and make the effort to try harder and harder everyday.

Because Success lies beyond your comfort zone.....

Everyboy's working for the weekend.......

HA! After reading this headline you now have the 1986 Loverboy song playing over and over in your head.

It's true really, we all seem to work for the weekend. Every Monday morning we drag ourselves back to work dreading the week ahead. Counting the days and sometimes the hours. From one day to the next we proclaim it's "THE LONGEST DAY E-V-E-R!!" 

But is it really, the longest day ever? Consider this: The average person starts working at the age of 21 and retires around the age of 67. Well, there are typically 40 hours in a work week, times x 52 weeks in a fiscal year, that's 2080 average hours per full time work year. That does NOT include any overtime hours spent on the job.
Now times 2080 x 48 working years = 99,840.00 hours of work. Now THAT'S a long freaking time!
Mind you, those are just the hours spend at work: aka full time job. 

I haven't even started the breakdown of the job/responsibilities we have at home with family and children. The countless hours spent doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, homework with your children and so on. No wonder we are exhausted. Who has time for anything fun? If you think about it, we spend more time at work with our colleagues then we do with our families. Sad really.

The weekend is the only reprieve we have from the daily grind. Two whole days where you aren't required to shower, get dressed or even get out of bed for the matter. You can just be, slobby self. 
It's the only time where we spend time with family and friends, if we so choose, and drink a little too much. The weekend is the release of all the pent up stresses and anxieties from the week just past.

This is why everybody's working for the weekend......

The blood that binds us....

This is my little sister Kira and her son Gabriel - (whom I call Henry, because that is the name I would have choose for him) To me, Kira, is one of the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth.

I have always admired her internal strength. She is fierce and a force to be reckoned with! Don't be fooled by her small stature, she can KO you with one tongue lashing leaving your head spinning and speechless. She walks with a radiant glow of self confidence that is rare. When Kira enters into a room, heads turn.

Like most women, Kira too, has her share of insecurities. Past relationships have felt their scares and left her vulnerable and sensitive. Only a few get to see this side of her.
You are never left guessing with Kira, it's either all or nothing.

As sisters, Kira and I are polar opposites. We lead complete different lives in completely different countries. As my younger sister, of seven years, Kira is a trend setter with has an keen eye for style and fashion. Where as, I.... well, If I walk out the door and I have matching socks on it's a miracle.

As different as we are and with the large Ocean between us we are very close and we both make beautiful children. This is Simelia, Kira's oldest daughter (11)

That is the blood that binds us.....

Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?

Last night while lying in bed, my partner proceeded to tell me about his day at work – as most partners do. He told me about Jerry, the guy at work, who called in sick today. This left him to work on the project alone.  He told me about Ivan, his friend who is getting married next weekend, and how his fiancée is a much younger woman.  He told about the dinner he had with is parents at a local Italian Buffet (which I could smell when he came home) and how he had to get cat litter on the way home, and could I believe that it costs almost $5 per lbs. for ground round?  I can't say I was particularly interested in this recount of his day but he's my other half and it's my job to listen. Or so I thought. I then began to tell him about my current self-development project and what he thought about it in which he replied, “Yeah, its okay”. He then picked up his phone and started scrolling through his Facebook feed whilst I'm left flabbergasted that after his half an hour re-inaction of his boring day at work, he replies to my, equally as important comment with “Yeah, its okay” and deems Facebook more important. Come on, man, I wasn't looking for a medal, just a few encouraging words of support for the things that I'm doing. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

I don't know whether it's just me that notices it but I do find a slight inequality between that of men and women. I will spend hours upon hours listening to his gabble about work and fishing and that KU player but whenever I share anything about my job or responsibilities or current projects, it feels as if it's not as important. As if the fact that Ivan is opting out of a traditional Bachelor party and just wants beers and burgers with is buddies on Friday night, is more life-altering news than my new self-development project. I feel as if I'm in an unequal relationship and although I'm confident in myself that what I'm doing in life is the right thing for me, a few compliments wouldn't hurt every now and again. I ask myself, “Why are you seeking validation from someone else? Deep down does it really matter if your life partner takes a huge interest in your work?” Yes and no. Yes because unless I got a 3 grand raise, he rarely notices anything else I do but it would be nice for him to make me feel good about my little achievements as well as the big ones. No because I'm a confident and (somewhat) young woman who knows her place and as long as I'm proud of what I'm doing, nobody else should matter.

I do wonder, is the fact that he's telling me his way of trying to seek approval or acceptance or validation himself? If so, he should know I will do all that. That I will support him in everything he does but he also has to know that sometimes I need the same back. Small compliments can go a long way, they're often the things you remember long after the person who said them has forgotten and a tiny little bit of support and praise for a current project can make you keep going when you've thought about giving up. Maybe all men are like this – I expect they are. Men as a species are generally oblivious to everything beyond the end of their nose but guys, seriously, the next time you're raving on about this, that and whatever just spare a thought for your poor wives or girlfriends who may have had a life-altering day which you haven't bothered asking about.

 

Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?

 

I Me, Take Me, To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife

Did you know that 30% of marriages end in divorce by the couples 20th anniversary? 1 in 5 newly-weds divorce after only 5 years of marriage and 50% of ALL marriages in America end in divorce. The top reasons for divorce are poor communication, finances, abuse, no longer being physically attracted to each other and infidelity. Studies have shown that you're more likely to get a divorce if you smoke, hang out with other people who have been divorced, have a daughter instead of a son, met in a bar or have money problems. So that's pretty much all of us in some way or another isn't it? Who knew two little words, “I do...” could have such a negative impact on our society.





So, unless you don't smoke and don't go out and have fun in bars, only give birth to boys, have no financial issues and have no divorced friends your marriage has a chance of survival. Let's not beat around the bush, the statistics aren't great and if you're in a position where you feel marriage might be on the cards soon, by reading these statistics, it's probably not going to be any more. Finding the perfect partner is a hard enough job as it is without the added pressure of worrying whether a successful marriage is in your future. In fact, just by worrying about it probably suggests that it's not going to be as smooth sailing as you might have hoped. We've all been there, dreaming of what it might be like one day to come home to your perfect little country cottage to your perfect little family. A husband or wife that adores you (and who doesn't smoke and doesn't go to bars, apparently) – I know I have. Many a time. Every new guy I met I envisioned this strange, unrealistic fantasy but after too many awful dates, painful break-ups, undignified Facebook statuses, I pretty much gave up on the idea of ever being happy with a partner, let alone being married to them where there's a 99% possibility I'll end up divorced after 5 years anyway.





It got me thinking, why are we all so negative about this? What makes us so apprehensive and worried about the future and marriage to another person? Then I got it. So you know what I did? I made a commitment. To myself. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be happy with you either? If you don't love yourself, nobody else will love you to their full potential either! It was like an epiphany so from the comfort of my own house, I looked in the mirror and said, “I do” and vowed from that day forward to love myself and make myself a better person. To be there for myself in sickness and in health. To honor and protect myself and be faithful to myself for as long as I shall live. If you love yourself and do what makes you happy, it will show and one day someone else will come along who made their own vows to themselves too and providing you don't smoke, have a daughter and have no divorced friends, you'll be able to truly understand the meaning of marriage.


I Me, Take Me, To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife....

Get off your backside and work for it....

It's no secret that we, as human beings, like to complain. We complain about everything. From the weather, to the commute into work, our noisy neighbors and what's on TV and because of these petty complaints we make daily, we get into the habit of blaming everything on everyone else. Nothing is ever our fault and that's what we've started doing in terms of our own lives, our dream jobs, our happiness. If we're not where we want to be, instead of taking action, we complain about it instead, like complaining is going to make a fairy God mother appear and grant our wishes. It's not. EVER!





We all have a dream we want to achieve and whilst some might be more adventurous than others, it doesn't make any of our dreams and ambitions less important. The thing is, most people are led to believe that you only end up happy, in your dream job, with your dream car and dream life if you're either rich or at the right place at the right time and whereas that might be the case for a small majority of us, generally, it's completely rubbish. You have the power to change your life, to change your fate and your future, regardless of where you come from. "I can't get into my dream job because I don't have a degree", "I can't get a degree because I don't have the money", "I can't be happy unless I achieve XYZ" are nothing more than excuses.





Many people who have full filled their dream and have reached a point in their life where they are genuinely happy haven't got there on sheer dumb luck. They've got there because they've worked hard, have taken action, made sacrifices and never stopped believing. You can turn your dream into reality if you just stop once in a while, look around you and believe that's it's possible. Now turn that  TV off, ignore your noisy neighbors, stop complaining that it's raining and believe that your dreams will come true.


If you get off your backside and work for it that is.

At what age are you capable of making life altering decisions?

My oldest son, who is now 17, called/text me last night requesting that I sign papers for him to join the Army. He lives with his dad now, has for a couple of years. I refused. I refused for the following reasons:

• He is still in High School and won't graduate till next year. Why sign? Why not wait till he is 18.
• A lot of things can happen within a year. I don't want him to commit to something this huge without fully understand the potential consequences.
• He just started driving. He isn't mature enough to make this decision yet.
• I want him to really weigh his options, with college or trade school before deciding on the military.
• and finally... just because I don't want to lose him to the wars of this world.

I have read that we should let teenagers make their own decisions. What kind of decisions are we talking about here? What kind of clothes they can wear? What friends they associate themselves with? Whether or not to join the military at the tender age of 18? Do these kids know that's joining any branch of the service is the 'real deal' and not a video game? You don't get to reboot and get 'new lives'.

When you are young you make emotional decisions and not rational/intellectual decisions. I've also  read that the average human brain isn't fully matured till the age of 25.


 25!!!!

 Today, I'm 38 years old, a little more comfortable in my decision making process, but I still stumble. Constantly questioning if I'm doing the right thing. These days my decisions are less emotional and a little more rational/intellectual.

So I ask you, at what age are you capable of making life altering decisions?

 

People throw rocks at things that Shine.....

Have you ever been told you aren't good enough? That you lack the talent? That you don't have that "it" factor? That you are worthless? You'll never amount to anything? You're not pretty enough? You're too fat? You're too skinny? You're legs are too short? You're nose is too big?

Have you ever told someone you 'trusted'- "I think I'm going to________."

 Whatever that blank is it's generally something out of the norm. You know, like NOT go off to college, NOT get married and starting a family or because you march to the beat of your own drum, you decide to pursue something completely unconventional and socially SHOCKING.

The response you receive is one of judgment, disappointment, negativity sprinkled with a little bit of disgust and the conclusion that you have completely lost your mind.

Surprisingly, I have found that those responses are not a reflection of yourself, but a reflection of the person(s) jealously. In the past, I always thought it was me. I was making a bad decision or that I was crazy for having thoughts that went against the social grain. In actuality it's jealously for not having the courage themselves to color outside of the lines in life. They are stuck in their cookie cutter lives and long for fulfillment and an awakening from their seemingly unconsciousness.

Ignore the jealously and the ignorance of others. Don't let others talk you out of your dreams, personal goals that you have set for yourself. Don't listen to them. Go full speed ahead and follow your dreams. Believe in yourself!

Remember, People throw rocks at things that Shine...

A simple furry smile can brighten your day...

I have two small Papillon's that I love to pieces. Sophie pictured here in the back and Little Rikki coming in for the photo-bomb.

A simple furry smile can brighten your day....

It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most....

Two nights ago, Ben, my 10 year old son said he wanted a pair of sweat pants. "Sweat Pants? It's almost summer. Why do you need Sweat pants?" I asked. "Because I want them.' he replied.
Well, I can't argue with that. So off to Walmart we went.

After leaving the store unsuccessfully in finding sweat pants, I saw a young woman standing on the corner of the parking lot, holding a cardboard sign that read 'Have one small child and no job, need help.'

I studied her for a while. She was in her mid 20's, dressed decent, jeans, sweater, sneakers and had a little Walmart bag laying next to her on the ground. I re-read her sign over and over.
"Unbelievable!"- I said. Eric, my boyfriend, who was driving the car asked, "what?"
"Look at her! I have seen so many 'Help Wanted' signs and yet she chooses to stand on a corner to ask for a hand out!", I stated. "Who are you to judge her? You shouldn't judge her. You don't know her situation", Eric said. He was right, I didn't know her particular situation, however, I have been in difficult situations where I had to choose, do I pay the light bill, or do I make sure my kids have food in their bellies? It's never easy.

I told Eric, "There are plenty of jobs out there. They might not be glamorous, but it's a job and its better than standing on a corner begging for money. Who's watching her one small child now while she is standing here? I'm not giving her one dime of my money! I would rather donate to a homeless shelter, give money to a food bank and donate to an organization that helps women."

<Crickets>


I believe in helping the poor and helping the needy. I do not believe in free handouts. If you need help there are programs out there to help you. Standing on the corner is not the answer.

I myself have worked jobs that I felt were 'beneath me', but I did what I had to do to. I took action. Working a job that is 'beneath you' should only be a temporary situation. Use it as a stepping stone and move up in the world. Whatever that upward climb my be.

I posted something similar around Thanksgiving time, when I saw a man, seemingly in good health holding a sign- '3 kids no presents for X-mas'.

I had the same feeling then as I did seeing this young woman. Maybe a little more irate because he couldn't even take the time to spell out C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S!

I'm not perfect, I'm human. I know it's not my place to judge, that's GOD'S  job.
But, I ask myself... how do people expect to get ahead in life by standing on a street corner begging for money? What are they teaching their kids? What ever happened to working hard for a living?

We've all heard the saying "It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most"
Maybe, just maybe... by taking a job that less glamorous, a person discovers things about themselves they would have never discovered before. Maybe realized a Dream/Destiny/Person Legend.

I would be a chef. I could be a seamstress. I would be a writer. I could be a hairdresser. I could be a teacher. I could be ___XYZ__!!!!
You will never BE anything standing on a street corner!

It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most... but you have to actually take the action and start the Journey if you're ever to reach that Destination!

It's not Life Changing if you don't take action...

I know a lot of people that are looking for that "something", that life changing experience.

However, we as people, seem unusually comfortable in our uncomfortableness. We settle and fear change. Fearing change doesn't mean that we don't dream of bigger and better things in life, but we are afraid to take the actions needed to actually make change happen.

Why do we fear change? It's simple. It's the fear of the unknown and it's very easy to talk ourselves out of just about anything. We tell ourselves that we are being "rational" about it.

'Who is going to look after the dog and the cat?' 'I can't take that much vacation time!'
'What will my parents think of me? This isn't what they envisioned for me when they paid for my college.' 'I just don't have the time right now.' 'It seems like a hassle.'
'No one will take me serious, so why should I bother?!' 'I'm too old to chase this dream.'

There are millions of reason why can't/won't. Those reasons, excuses actually, are a dime a dozen. But, what if you dare to actually take action, throw your caution to the wind, and took the first step to fulfilling your Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend? Who is really standing in your way?

The answer: YOU!  You are the only person standing in the way of your own Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend.

Your path is written, but it's up to you to make it happen. Listen to your inner voice. Some call it God, Intuition, some call it Omens, signs. What ever it is you call it, listen. When you listen and take actions, you will find your heart filled with pure joy and happiness. That's when you know that you are on the right path. So Listen! It's trying to guide you to your Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend.

Most of all, Take Action. Because, it's not life changing if you don't take action.

It's the imperfections, the rough edges that I love..

" You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing the imperfect person perfectly."


How true is this to you? Too often we are wrapped up in trying to find that "perfect" person to, dare I say it, complete us. When the imperfections make life & love interesting. Embracing the differences, the oddities, and individual with an open mind and an open heart.

To love someone truly with an open heart and an open mind isn't easy. It's hard because we are human and tend to be judgmental and critical. All of which I am most of the time, I will admit. However, I am discovering, as I grow older, learning to be open with love is a true gift. A gift that I want to share with my partner and a gift that I want to share and teach my children.

Perfect is a relative term. What is perfect? To me, perfect is overrated and boring.

It's the imperfections, the rough edges that I love...