Enjoy the ride....

Life has not turned out the way I imagined it as a child/teenager. Of course it never does. In addition, if I try to think back on what my ideas on grown up life was, it is somewhat hard to remember. What I do remember is being a teenager, full of angst and insecurities and looking at woman my age now and having a sense of envy. I remember thinking:  when I am that age I am going, to have it all figured out and I will be more confident and know exactly what to do with my life. Basically, I thought I would have my shit together. In reality, this is the furthest thing from the truth.

 

I have been married twice and I have three children, two of which I have a strained relationship with. I live thousands of miles away from my family, which has been a personal choice, but it has been a struggle. After two divorces, loss, struggle, two kids deciding to life with their father and trying hard to keep it together on a daily basis, I am filled with more uncertainty and anxieties than ever. I still feel like that insecure teenager at the age of 38.   I wondered the other day, those women I used to envy if they had the same feelings then that I do now.  

 

I have always been very high strung, a little overly dramatic and never had any patience. I still am to this day, all these things however a little less day by day. I credit the slow transformation to my longtime boyfriend, Eric. Eric is the most patient person on the planet. I am sure it helps that he is hard of hearing and has mastered the skill of just tuning out, but his core nature is extremely calm. Over the past three and a half years, he has taught me many life lessons. He never judges people, which frankly I find very fascinating. Of course, like me, Eric came with his own past baggage. However, he never let it affect our relationship. I on the other hand, willing wrapped myself up in all sorts of drama.

 

It takes a very strong man to be with me any length of time. I am not talking about physical strength; I am talking about emotional strength. Eric has that. It is not easy. Relationships are hard work. I make mistakes every day; he never judges me but loves me through them. I have learned a lot from Eric over the years and I am still learning every day; about me, what it is that I want in life and the areas of my life I am not proud of and are a work in progress. However, aren’t we all? Nobody is perfect. My past does not define me it has enhanced me. My future is unknown, as is everyone’s future. There are no guarantees in life. Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

 

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, Life is a journey, not a destination.

 

Enjoy the ride…….