Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.

I recently started a conversation with a young woman, who told me that she and her husband have been having some marital struggles. She told me her husband had been involved in an emotional affair with a woman that he works with. The husband and the other woman had been exchanging text messages for months. The young woman explained that her husband had promised to end the relationship but there were still messages exchanged between him and the other woman.

I had asked the young woman why she thought her husband decided to turn to another woman for emotional comfort. She told me that she used to work nights and that left little time for “us” time. She continued to tell me that her husband by nature was not an overly affectionate person and she grew cold. When he wanted the affection, she could not reciprocate.

To me, this break down is all about communication. Nights apart are hard. It is easy to lose sight of the love once shared, when it feels like you are living more like roommates than lovers.

Men and women in committed relationships do not stray, physically or emotionally for no reason. Unless, of course they are a sociopath. Often times the person that was strayed upon will say things like-- why her/him? He/she is ugly. Looks, size, and all the outer perceptions do not matter.

It is all about how this other person makes them feel. Especially in an emotional affair. They feel safe, connected, loved, wanted etc… all because communication in the marriage/committed relationship broke down. The huge disconnect- The ‘I’ve fallen out of Love’ effect.

You cannot control people and their intentions, but you do control you and yours. . Look inside you- how can you make an effort to regain the communication and connection? How can you make your partner feel safe, loved, wanted and most of all appreciated.

If your partner tells you he is serious about saving the marriage/relationship here is some suggestions I have they have to act on and not just provide lip service…

·         All contact with the other person needs to stop immediately.

·         Cell phone numbers need to change- - this process takes less than 10 minutes just contact your cell phone provider.

·         Your partner has to be accountable for his time when the two of you are not together. This is a trust building exercise.

·         Counseling- you both need to learn new communication tools.

·         Do not blame- you both are to blame.

 

Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.