Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?

Last night while lying in bed, my partner proceeded to tell me about his day at work – as most partners do. He told me about Jerry, the guy at work, who called in sick today. This left him to work on the project alone.  He told me about Ivan, his friend who is getting married next weekend, and how his fiancée is a much younger woman.  He told about the dinner he had with is parents at a local Italian Buffet (which I could smell when he came home) and how he had to get cat litter on the way home, and could I believe that it costs almost $5 per lbs. for ground round?  I can't say I was particularly interested in this recount of his day but he's my other half and it's my job to listen. Or so I thought. I then began to tell him about my current self-development project and what he thought about it in which he replied, “Yeah, its okay”. He then picked up his phone and started scrolling through his Facebook feed whilst I'm left flabbergasted that after his half an hour re-inaction of his boring day at work, he replies to my, equally as important comment with “Yeah, its okay” and deems Facebook more important. Come on, man, I wasn't looking for a medal, just a few encouraging words of support for the things that I'm doing. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

I don't know whether it's just me that notices it but I do find a slight inequality between that of men and women. I will spend hours upon hours listening to his gabble about work and fishing and that KU player but whenever I share anything about my job or responsibilities or current projects, it feels as if it's not as important. As if the fact that Ivan is opting out of a traditional Bachelor party and just wants beers and burgers with is buddies on Friday night, is more life-altering news than my new self-development project. I feel as if I'm in an unequal relationship and although I'm confident in myself that what I'm doing in life is the right thing for me, a few compliments wouldn't hurt every now and again. I ask myself, “Why are you seeking validation from someone else? Deep down does it really matter if your life partner takes a huge interest in your work?” Yes and no. Yes because unless I got a 3 grand raise, he rarely notices anything else I do but it would be nice for him to make me feel good about my little achievements as well as the big ones. No because I'm a confident and (somewhat) young woman who knows her place and as long as I'm proud of what I'm doing, nobody else should matter.

I do wonder, is the fact that he's telling me his way of trying to seek approval or acceptance or validation himself? If so, he should know I will do all that. That I will support him in everything he does but he also has to know that sometimes I need the same back. Small compliments can go a long way, they're often the things you remember long after the person who said them has forgotten and a tiny little bit of support and praise for a current project can make you keep going when you've thought about giving up. Maybe all men are like this – I expect they are. Men as a species are generally oblivious to everything beyond the end of their nose but guys, seriously, the next time you're raving on about this, that and whatever just spare a thought for your poor wives or girlfriends who may have had a life-altering day which you haven't bothered asking about.

 

Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?