The blood that binds us....

This is my little sister Kira and her son Gabriel - (whom I call Henry, because that is the name I would have choose for him) To me, Kira, is one of the most beautiful woman on the face of this earth.

I have always admired her internal strength. She is fierce and a force to be reckoned with! Don't be fooled by her small stature, she can KO you with one tongue lashing leaving your head spinning and speechless. She walks with a radiant glow of self confidence that is rare. When Kira enters into a room, heads turn.

Like most women, Kira too, has her share of insecurities. Past relationships have felt their scares and left her vulnerable and sensitive. Only a few get to see this side of her.
You are never left guessing with Kira, it's either all or nothing.

As sisters, Kira and I are polar opposites. We lead complete different lives in completely different countries. As my younger sister, of seven years, Kira is a trend setter with has an keen eye for style and fashion. Where as, I.... well, If I walk out the door and I have matching socks on it's a miracle.

As different as we are and with the large Ocean between us we are very close and we both make beautiful children. This is Simelia, Kira's oldest daughter (11)

That is the blood that binds us.....

Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?

Last night while lying in bed, my partner proceeded to tell me about his day at work – as most partners do. He told me about Jerry, the guy at work, who called in sick today. This left him to work on the project alone.  He told me about Ivan, his friend who is getting married next weekend, and how his fiancée is a much younger woman.  He told about the dinner he had with is parents at a local Italian Buffet (which I could smell when he came home) and how he had to get cat litter on the way home, and could I believe that it costs almost $5 per lbs. for ground round?  I can't say I was particularly interested in this recount of his day but he's my other half and it's my job to listen. Or so I thought. I then began to tell him about my current self-development project and what he thought about it in which he replied, “Yeah, its okay”. He then picked up his phone and started scrolling through his Facebook feed whilst I'm left flabbergasted that after his half an hour re-inaction of his boring day at work, he replies to my, equally as important comment with “Yeah, its okay” and deems Facebook more important. Come on, man, I wasn't looking for a medal, just a few encouraging words of support for the things that I'm doing. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

I don't know whether it's just me that notices it but I do find a slight inequality between that of men and women. I will spend hours upon hours listening to his gabble about work and fishing and that KU player but whenever I share anything about my job or responsibilities or current projects, it feels as if it's not as important. As if the fact that Ivan is opting out of a traditional Bachelor party and just wants beers and burgers with is buddies on Friday night, is more life-altering news than my new self-development project. I feel as if I'm in an unequal relationship and although I'm confident in myself that what I'm doing in life is the right thing for me, a few compliments wouldn't hurt every now and again. I ask myself, “Why are you seeking validation from someone else? Deep down does it really matter if your life partner takes a huge interest in your work?” Yes and no. Yes because unless I got a 3 grand raise, he rarely notices anything else I do but it would be nice for him to make me feel good about my little achievements as well as the big ones. No because I'm a confident and (somewhat) young woman who knows her place and as long as I'm proud of what I'm doing, nobody else should matter.

I do wonder, is the fact that he's telling me his way of trying to seek approval or acceptance or validation himself? If so, he should know I will do all that. That I will support him in everything he does but he also has to know that sometimes I need the same back. Small compliments can go a long way, they're often the things you remember long after the person who said them has forgotten and a tiny little bit of support and praise for a current project can make you keep going when you've thought about giving up. Maybe all men are like this – I expect they are. Men as a species are generally oblivious to everything beyond the end of their nose but guys, seriously, the next time you're raving on about this, that and whatever just spare a thought for your poor wives or girlfriends who may have had a life-altering day which you haven't bothered asking about.

 

Tap, tap, tap is this thing on.... ?

 

I Me, Take Me, To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife

Did you know that 30% of marriages end in divorce by the couples 20th anniversary? 1 in 5 newly-weds divorce after only 5 years of marriage and 50% of ALL marriages in America end in divorce. The top reasons for divorce are poor communication, finances, abuse, no longer being physically attracted to each other and infidelity. Studies have shown that you're more likely to get a divorce if you smoke, hang out with other people who have been divorced, have a daughter instead of a son, met in a bar or have money problems. So that's pretty much all of us in some way or another isn't it? Who knew two little words, “I do...” could have such a negative impact on our society.





So, unless you don't smoke and don't go out and have fun in bars, only give birth to boys, have no financial issues and have no divorced friends your marriage has a chance of survival. Let's not beat around the bush, the statistics aren't great and if you're in a position where you feel marriage might be on the cards soon, by reading these statistics, it's probably not going to be any more. Finding the perfect partner is a hard enough job as it is without the added pressure of worrying whether a successful marriage is in your future. In fact, just by worrying about it probably suggests that it's not going to be as smooth sailing as you might have hoped. We've all been there, dreaming of what it might be like one day to come home to your perfect little country cottage to your perfect little family. A husband or wife that adores you (and who doesn't smoke and doesn't go to bars, apparently) – I know I have. Many a time. Every new guy I met I envisioned this strange, unrealistic fantasy but after too many awful dates, painful break-ups, undignified Facebook statuses, I pretty much gave up on the idea of ever being happy with a partner, let alone being married to them where there's a 99% possibility I'll end up divorced after 5 years anyway.





It got me thinking, why are we all so negative about this? What makes us so apprehensive and worried about the future and marriage to another person? Then I got it. So you know what I did? I made a commitment. To myself. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be happy with you either? If you don't love yourself, nobody else will love you to their full potential either! It was like an epiphany so from the comfort of my own house, I looked in the mirror and said, “I do” and vowed from that day forward to love myself and make myself a better person. To be there for myself in sickness and in health. To honor and protect myself and be faithful to myself for as long as I shall live. If you love yourself and do what makes you happy, it will show and one day someone else will come along who made their own vows to themselves too and providing you don't smoke, have a daughter and have no divorced friends, you'll be able to truly understand the meaning of marriage.


I Me, Take Me, To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife....

Get off your backside and work for it....

It's no secret that we, as human beings, like to complain. We complain about everything. From the weather, to the commute into work, our noisy neighbors and what's on TV and because of these petty complaints we make daily, we get into the habit of blaming everything on everyone else. Nothing is ever our fault and that's what we've started doing in terms of our own lives, our dream jobs, our happiness. If we're not where we want to be, instead of taking action, we complain about it instead, like complaining is going to make a fairy God mother appear and grant our wishes. It's not. EVER!





We all have a dream we want to achieve and whilst some might be more adventurous than others, it doesn't make any of our dreams and ambitions less important. The thing is, most people are led to believe that you only end up happy, in your dream job, with your dream car and dream life if you're either rich or at the right place at the right time and whereas that might be the case for a small majority of us, generally, it's completely rubbish. You have the power to change your life, to change your fate and your future, regardless of where you come from. "I can't get into my dream job because I don't have a degree", "I can't get a degree because I don't have the money", "I can't be happy unless I achieve XYZ" are nothing more than excuses.





Many people who have full filled their dream and have reached a point in their life where they are genuinely happy haven't got there on sheer dumb luck. They've got there because they've worked hard, have taken action, made sacrifices and never stopped believing. You can turn your dream into reality if you just stop once in a while, look around you and believe that's it's possible. Now turn that  TV off, ignore your noisy neighbors, stop complaining that it's raining and believe that your dreams will come true.


If you get off your backside and work for it that is.

At what age are you capable of making life altering decisions?

My oldest son, who is now 17, called/text me last night requesting that I sign papers for him to join the Army. He lives with his dad now, has for a couple of years. I refused. I refused for the following reasons:

• He is still in High School and won't graduate till next year. Why sign? Why not wait till he is 18.
• A lot of things can happen within a year. I don't want him to commit to something this huge without fully understand the potential consequences.
• He just started driving. He isn't mature enough to make this decision yet.
• I want him to really weigh his options, with college or trade school before deciding on the military.
• and finally... just because I don't want to lose him to the wars of this world.

I have read that we should let teenagers make their own decisions. What kind of decisions are we talking about here? What kind of clothes they can wear? What friends they associate themselves with? Whether or not to join the military at the tender age of 18? Do these kids know that's joining any branch of the service is the 'real deal' and not a video game? You don't get to reboot and get 'new lives'.

When you are young you make emotional decisions and not rational/intellectual decisions. I've also  read that the average human brain isn't fully matured till the age of 25.


 25!!!!

 Today, I'm 38 years old, a little more comfortable in my decision making process, but I still stumble. Constantly questioning if I'm doing the right thing. These days my decisions are less emotional and a little more rational/intellectual.

So I ask you, at what age are you capable of making life altering decisions?

 

People throw rocks at things that Shine.....

Have you ever been told you aren't good enough? That you lack the talent? That you don't have that "it" factor? That you are worthless? You'll never amount to anything? You're not pretty enough? You're too fat? You're too skinny? You're legs are too short? You're nose is too big?

Have you ever told someone you 'trusted'- "I think I'm going to________."

 Whatever that blank is it's generally something out of the norm. You know, like NOT go off to college, NOT get married and starting a family or because you march to the beat of your own drum, you decide to pursue something completely unconventional and socially SHOCKING.

The response you receive is one of judgment, disappointment, negativity sprinkled with a little bit of disgust and the conclusion that you have completely lost your mind.

Surprisingly, I have found that those responses are not a reflection of yourself, but a reflection of the person(s) jealously. In the past, I always thought it was me. I was making a bad decision or that I was crazy for having thoughts that went against the social grain. In actuality it's jealously for not having the courage themselves to color outside of the lines in life. They are stuck in their cookie cutter lives and long for fulfillment and an awakening from their seemingly unconsciousness.

Ignore the jealously and the ignorance of others. Don't let others talk you out of your dreams, personal goals that you have set for yourself. Don't listen to them. Go full speed ahead and follow your dreams. Believe in yourself!

Remember, People throw rocks at things that Shine...

A simple furry smile can brighten your day...

I have two small Papillon's that I love to pieces. Sophie pictured here in the back and Little Rikki coming in for the photo-bomb.

A simple furry smile can brighten your day....

It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most....

Two nights ago, Ben, my 10 year old son said he wanted a pair of sweat pants. "Sweat Pants? It's almost summer. Why do you need Sweat pants?" I asked. "Because I want them.' he replied.
Well, I can't argue with that. So off to Walmart we went.

After leaving the store unsuccessfully in finding sweat pants, I saw a young woman standing on the corner of the parking lot, holding a cardboard sign that read 'Have one small child and no job, need help.'

I studied her for a while. She was in her mid 20's, dressed decent, jeans, sweater, sneakers and had a little Walmart bag laying next to her on the ground. I re-read her sign over and over.
"Unbelievable!"- I said. Eric, my boyfriend, who was driving the car asked, "what?"
"Look at her! I have seen so many 'Help Wanted' signs and yet she chooses to stand on a corner to ask for a hand out!", I stated. "Who are you to judge her? You shouldn't judge her. You don't know her situation", Eric said. He was right, I didn't know her particular situation, however, I have been in difficult situations where I had to choose, do I pay the light bill, or do I make sure my kids have food in their bellies? It's never easy.

I told Eric, "There are plenty of jobs out there. They might not be glamorous, but it's a job and its better than standing on a corner begging for money. Who's watching her one small child now while she is standing here? I'm not giving her one dime of my money! I would rather donate to a homeless shelter, give money to a food bank and donate to an organization that helps women."

<Crickets>


I believe in helping the poor and helping the needy. I do not believe in free handouts. If you need help there are programs out there to help you. Standing on the corner is not the answer.

I myself have worked jobs that I felt were 'beneath me', but I did what I had to do to. I took action. Working a job that is 'beneath you' should only be a temporary situation. Use it as a stepping stone and move up in the world. Whatever that upward climb my be.

I posted something similar around Thanksgiving time, when I saw a man, seemingly in good health holding a sign- '3 kids no presents for X-mas'.

I had the same feeling then as I did seeing this young woman. Maybe a little more irate because he couldn't even take the time to spell out C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S!

I'm not perfect, I'm human. I know it's not my place to judge, that's GOD'S  job.
But, I ask myself... how do people expect to get ahead in life by standing on a street corner begging for money? What are they teaching their kids? What ever happened to working hard for a living?

We've all heard the saying "It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most"
Maybe, just maybe... by taking a job that less glamorous, a person discovers things about themselves they would have never discovered before. Maybe realized a Dream/Destiny/Person Legend.

I would be a chef. I could be a seamstress. I would be a writer. I could be a hairdresser. I could be a teacher. I could be ___XYZ__!!!!
You will never BE anything standing on a street corner!

It's not the Destination it's the Journey that matters the most... but you have to actually take the action and start the Journey if you're ever to reach that Destination!

It's not Life Changing if you don't take action...

I know a lot of people that are looking for that "something", that life changing experience.

However, we as people, seem unusually comfortable in our uncomfortableness. We settle and fear change. Fearing change doesn't mean that we don't dream of bigger and better things in life, but we are afraid to take the actions needed to actually make change happen.

Why do we fear change? It's simple. It's the fear of the unknown and it's very easy to talk ourselves out of just about anything. We tell ourselves that we are being "rational" about it.

'Who is going to look after the dog and the cat?' 'I can't take that much vacation time!'
'What will my parents think of me? This isn't what they envisioned for me when they paid for my college.' 'I just don't have the time right now.' 'It seems like a hassle.'
'No one will take me serious, so why should I bother?!' 'I'm too old to chase this dream.'

There are millions of reason why can't/won't. Those reasons, excuses actually, are a dime a dozen. But, what if you dare to actually take action, throw your caution to the wind, and took the first step to fulfilling your Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend? Who is really standing in your way?

The answer: YOU!  You are the only person standing in the way of your own Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend.

Your path is written, but it's up to you to make it happen. Listen to your inner voice. Some call it God, Intuition, some call it Omens, signs. What ever it is you call it, listen. When you listen and take actions, you will find your heart filled with pure joy and happiness. That's when you know that you are on the right path. So Listen! It's trying to guide you to your Dreams/Destiny/Your Personal Legend.

Most of all, Take Action. Because, it's not life changing if you don't take action.

It's the imperfections, the rough edges that I love..

" You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing the imperfect person perfectly."


How true is this to you? Too often we are wrapped up in trying to find that "perfect" person to, dare I say it, complete us. When the imperfections make life & love interesting. Embracing the differences, the oddities, and individual with an open mind and an open heart.

To love someone truly with an open heart and an open mind isn't easy. It's hard because we are human and tend to be judgmental and critical. All of which I am most of the time, I will admit. However, I am discovering, as I grow older, learning to be open with love is a true gift. A gift that I want to share with my partner and a gift that I want to share and teach my children.

Perfect is a relative term. What is perfect? To me, perfect is overrated and boring.

It's the imperfections, the rough edges that I love...

Chocolate is the answer.... who cares what the question/problem is!

I've been having  on going conversations with  co-workers of mine, about our constant "unhappiness" at work and the struggles balancing work, home, husband (s)/Boyfriend (s) and children.
Here are some questions/topics that constantly come up in our conversations:


I think I'm going to chop off my hair.

I have nothing to wear, I need a new wardrobe.

I think I need to start wearing more makeup.

I hate this part of my job.

I didn't see that coming.

Did you see that coming?

What are your plans this weekend?

How was your weekend?

What's for lunch?

Wanna grab lunch together?

I hate laundry. I can't seem to keep up.

I need a maid, I don't have enough hours during the day.

I think I might go to the dog park after work.

It's beautiful outside, I wish I wasn't stuck in the office.

I didn't miss having my period when I was pregnant. Urge, I hate the way it makes me feel.

Anyone have a tampon?

I didn't want to come in this morning. I wanted to call in sick, but we only have one sick day.

Any vacation plans this year?

I can't believe there is still so much month left after each payday.

I'm thinking of looking for another job, I need flexibility.

What's up with that guy in Accounting, there is something wrong with him?

Yes!!! The Big Cheese isn't in today.

I haven't been sleeping well.

I think we might start trying for a baby in about six months.

Don't have a baby till you buy a house.

I'm going to kill my boyfriends dogs, they kept me up all night.

What do men have to be so difficult?

Does he really not know how to load a dishwasher?

I need a gun!

Someone shoot me....

This day is the L-O-N-G-E-S-T DAY E-V-E-R!

Is it 4:30pm yet?

Is it Friday yet?

I've found, regardless of what the questions/problems are... Chocolate is always the answer.