Having a girlfriend is priceless- you cannot buy friendship.

I have realized something in recent days; I have no girlfriends. Sure- I have friends on social media and a ton of acquaintances, but I can honestly say I do not have a friend.  I know people that I care about and that lives over a 1000 miles away- we text from time to time, but can go weeks sometimes even months without saying a word.

When I mean girlfriend- I mean a person- that lives close by- someone I can share girl stuff with, laugh, cry, dump all my shit on and who will always be in my corner even when I am wrong and share a bottle of wine with- or two.  

I left home at 19 and never looked back. I married two military men; moved a lot- overseas and back a couple of times. I have met people and stayed contacted with some. Now 20 years, two divorces and two grown children later- I wish I had a girlfriend. I am in a long-term committed relationship, but that is not the same.

Honestly- I do not know if I would know how to have a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship. In the past- I thought I had such a relationship and share my girl shit and talked and cried and laughed- but in the end was only judged and rejected because that “friend” didn’t agree with my ideas- partner and life situation. That kind of rejection is very painful. I know now- I am had better off- but at the time saying, it was a slap in the face is an understatement.

I admire those who have lifelong friends- that have seen them through the best of times and through the worst of times. If you are a woman and lucky enough to have a girlfriend (BFF) - hold on to that. Because finding someone that “gets you”, is quick to spout out “that bitch”, and has your back- is truly hard to find.

Having a girlfriend is priceless- you cannot buy friendship.

Where the heck did the time go?

Today, I was remembering back many years ago, when my older kids were very little. I was thinking about the time I had to fly from Kansas City, MO back to Germany with two children under the age of two. A lot of that time in my life is a blur, but this particular experience I will never forget.

I flew from Kansas City, MO to LaGuardia, NY. LGA was enormous compared to the airport in Kansas City. I had to, with two very small children- still in diapers- pick up our luggage and head over to the International Terminal and check in for our flight.

That entire process was a nightmare to say the least. I recall trying to push one and pull another luggage cart filled to the top, with suitcases tittering from all sides. I needed to take an elevator up but both kids and carts would not fit. Luckily, a nice airport attendant helped me. She pushed one cart while I pushed the other, each with a child. After, what seemed like hours, we finally made it to the International terminal to stand in line to check in. The line was one of the longest lines I had ever seen and it moved at the speed of snail. The kids were good for the most part, but once I got closer and closer for my turn at the counter, and the kind woman left me all hell started to break loose.

While trying to balance two children on each hip, I was fumbling through my carryon bags to find our passports and tickets. Picture this- kids crying, snot running down their noses, me bouncing trying to “shush” them, me apologizing to be very under paid and annoyed ticket person.

I remember feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated. I was cursing my then husband in my mind at the time for having me go through this entire process alone. How dare he? THAT ASS!

I must have been a sight- after for what felt like forever- a elderly woman broke ranks in line and said, “For Heaven’s sake, you are chocking that child!” She reached out and grabbed my youngest- which I was apparently holding in a chock hold, with his little legs dangling from behind - Right about this point is when I lost it, and broke into the ugly cry.

I finally pulled myself together, we were the first ones allowed to board the plane. I do not remember much about that flight. I do however recall the biggest sigh of relief that I felt when we  landed and I was off that plane.

Sometimes, it feels like it was just yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago.

Where the heck did the time go?

Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.

I recently started a conversation with a young woman, who told me that she and her husband have been having some marital struggles. She told me her husband had been involved in an emotional affair with a woman that he works with. The husband and the other woman had been exchanging text messages for months. The young woman explained that her husband had promised to end the relationship but there were still messages exchanged between him and the other woman.

I had asked the young woman why she thought her husband decided to turn to another woman for emotional comfort. She told me that she used to work nights and that left little time for “us” time. She continued to tell me that her husband by nature was not an overly affectionate person and she grew cold. When he wanted the affection, she could not reciprocate.

To me, this break down is all about communication. Nights apart are hard. It is easy to lose sight of the love once shared, when it feels like you are living more like roommates than lovers.

Men and women in committed relationships do not stray, physically or emotionally for no reason. Unless, of course they are a sociopath. Often times the person that was strayed upon will say things like-- why her/him? He/she is ugly. Looks, size, and all the outer perceptions do not matter.

It is all about how this other person makes them feel. Especially in an emotional affair. They feel safe, connected, loved, wanted etc… all because communication in the marriage/committed relationship broke down. The huge disconnect- The ‘I’ve fallen out of Love’ effect.

You cannot control people and their intentions, but you do control you and yours. . Look inside you- how can you make an effort to regain the communication and connection? How can you make your partner feel safe, loved, wanted and most of all appreciated.

If your partner tells you he is serious about saving the marriage/relationship here is some suggestions I have they have to act on and not just provide lip service…

·         All contact with the other person needs to stop immediately.

·         Cell phone numbers need to change- - this process takes less than 10 minutes just contact your cell phone provider.

·         Your partner has to be accountable for his time when the two of you are not together. This is a trust building exercise.

·         Counseling- you both need to learn new communication tools.

·         Do not blame- you both are to blame.

 

Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.  

Step away from the ice cream....

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

All too often, when something does not quite go our way, we lose a client, a job, a rejected presentation and so on, and we feel defeated, depressed, and like a failure. We tend to invert ourselves into self-loathing thoughts and self-deprecation. Why do we do that? Because- it is easy and surprisingly a comfortable space to be in. Curled up with a box of tissues and a tub is Ben & Jerry’s, sobbing how nothing is going right in your life and you are just a big fat loser.

However, you are in fact NOT a loser. We all go through moments where we throw up our hands and wave a white flag. The key is to move on quickly. Do not allow yourself to act like a pig in mud, wallowing in your depressive thoughts. If you are not careful, you can be stuck in that mindset.

It all comes back to believing. Believing in yourself and your abilities and your dreams and desires. Remember- I posted this before; everything you desire in life already exists in the Universe. You have to believe, trust, and turn on your enthusiasm so you are open to receive.

 Without the belief, trust and enthusiasm you feel like a failure. When in fact, that failure you just experienced, was nothing more than a stepping-stone, a learning experience, an open door to the next opportunity.

When these ‘failures’ happen- take a moment, be still and listen. Listen to the voice inside you. Then get up, dust yourself off and take actions to explore the next adventure.

Remember- every trip, fall, stumble, detour or for a lack of a better word ‘failure’, is the Universe nudging you, or shaking you awake telling you it’s time to move on to the next level. One-step closer to your calling and all its abundance.

 

Now put down that tub of Ben & Jerry’s and move your ass….

March to the beat of your own drum.....

If you compromise your desires, you will compromise your strength. – Tama Kieves

That is a powerful statement. A statement that spoke to me in a very deep and profound way. All too often we listen to the people closest to us, parents, teachers, friends and loved ones,  to take the safe path in life. To always “do the right thing”; take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path.

Being rational, safe, predicable, and practical is not always the true reality of you and your soul’s desire; it can actually hold you back from doing what you are put on this earth  to do. There are times when rational, safe, predicable, and practical can smother your dreams to death.

Did Steve Job, Bill Gates, or Mark Zuckerberg take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path? No, they marched to the beat of their own drums and followed their desires without looking back. They believed deep within themselves what they were doing was the work they were meant to do.

Sometimes it’s thought, ‘I don’t have an office, I don’t have the right credentials on my resume`’ Maybe you aren’t sure what exactly you are meant to do in life, but you know for certain what you are doing now isn’t’ it. Waiting to achieve the ‘office and or credentials’ or waiting to the perfect time to get started. News Flash- it is never a perfect time. Procrastination is just another form of fear and excuses. You feel that restlessness, almost like a gravitational pull away from what you are currently doing. As long as you continue to wait for the perfect time and procrastinate, you will continue to feel this restlessness. I believe this restlessness is your soul speaking to you, whispering and beckoning you to wake up.

Believe it, feel it and it will manifest into reality.

 

Now- pass me the Bongos... I have some marching to do.

 

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Words are very powerful. We constantly say things like:

I do not know….

I don’t have the money….

I don’t have the time….

I want to do ____, but I don’t know how…

It’s time to change the way you speak. Be very conscience of your words.

If you speak the word ‘want’, you are coming from a state of lacking.

Everything you have ever wanted and desired already exists. You just have to believe it and align your mind, your heart, and your actions so you can manifest it into reality.

Start by replacing “I want”- with “I will” for example:

I will write a book…

I will travel to Mexico...

I will help people…

I will go back to school…

I want vs. I will paradigm is VERY powerful.  

Change ‘I don’t know” into things like:

I am available to receive guidance.

I am figuring it out….

Another powerful tool to help manifest what already exists for you, is to take action. Nothing comes out of thin air.

Book and event or a trip that you have been “wanting to do” and turn it into something you “will do.” Even if you don’t have the money or the time now. Once it has booked you will be surprised how easily you come up with the money and the time. Think about it- we can always come up with a hundred different ways why right now is not the right time. It is NEVER the right time.

Once you change, “want” into “will” and you take the action; keep moving forward. Make sure you see it through and finish. It is easy to start telling yourself reasons why you should quit, like:

It is too expensive…

It is too hard…

 

Align your thoughts, feelings, actions, and consciences and you will see the magic.

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Ain't NOBODY got time for that shit....

You have heard the term "Frenemy"- Someone who you think is your friend & confidant, however in reality is more an enemy. Personally- the word enemy is a bit harsh. I like to think of it as an insecure, jealous, envious, judgmental, hypocritical, & miserable person.

I have in resent past encountered person(s) like mentioned above myself. Someone, who I thought of highly as a friend, turned out to me nothing more than a schoolyard bully in an adult body.

A person that was emotionally stunted and for whatever reason was never able to mature and evolve into a fully rounded, open-minded adult. A person who, surrounds themselves with likeminded adult bullies and “frenemies” to make themselves feel superior.

When sadly, in reality, these likeminded people are just waiting on the chance excrete their own version of insecurity, jealously, enviousness, judgment, hypocrisy and misery on their ‘friend’.

 

It is a vicious cycle, and…

 

Ain’t NOBODY got time for that shit…