Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.

I recently started a conversation with a young woman, who told me that she and her husband have been having some marital struggles. She told me her husband had been involved in an emotional affair with a woman that he works with. The husband and the other woman had been exchanging text messages for months. The young woman explained that her husband had promised to end the relationship but there were still messages exchanged between him and the other woman.

I had asked the young woman why she thought her husband decided to turn to another woman for emotional comfort. She told me that she used to work nights and that left little time for “us” time. She continued to tell me that her husband by nature was not an overly affectionate person and she grew cold. When he wanted the affection, she could not reciprocate.

To me, this break down is all about communication. Nights apart are hard. It is easy to lose sight of the love once shared, when it feels like you are living more like roommates than lovers.

Men and women in committed relationships do not stray, physically or emotionally for no reason. Unless, of course they are a sociopath. Often times the person that was strayed upon will say things like-- why her/him? He/she is ugly. Looks, size, and all the outer perceptions do not matter.

It is all about how this other person makes them feel. Especially in an emotional affair. They feel safe, connected, loved, wanted etc… all because communication in the marriage/committed relationship broke down. The huge disconnect- The ‘I’ve fallen out of Love’ effect.

You cannot control people and their intentions, but you do control you and yours. . Look inside you- how can you make an effort to regain the communication and connection? How can you make your partner feel safe, loved, wanted and most of all appreciated.

If your partner tells you he is serious about saving the marriage/relationship here is some suggestions I have they have to act on and not just provide lip service…

·         All contact with the other person needs to stop immediately.

·         Cell phone numbers need to change- - this process takes less than 10 minutes just contact your cell phone provider.

·         Your partner has to be accountable for his time when the two of you are not together. This is a trust building exercise.

·         Counseling- you both need to learn new communication tools.

·         Do not blame- you both are to blame.

 

Either fix it... Alternatively, end it and move on.  

Step away from the ice cream....

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

All too often, when something does not quite go our way, we lose a client, a job, a rejected presentation and so on, and we feel defeated, depressed, and like a failure. We tend to invert ourselves into self-loathing thoughts and self-deprecation. Why do we do that? Because- it is easy and surprisingly a comfortable space to be in. Curled up with a box of tissues and a tub is Ben & Jerry’s, sobbing how nothing is going right in your life and you are just a big fat loser.

However, you are in fact NOT a loser. We all go through moments where we throw up our hands and wave a white flag. The key is to move on quickly. Do not allow yourself to act like a pig in mud, wallowing in your depressive thoughts. If you are not careful, you can be stuck in that mindset.

It all comes back to believing. Believing in yourself and your abilities and your dreams and desires. Remember- I posted this before; everything you desire in life already exists in the Universe. You have to believe, trust, and turn on your enthusiasm so you are open to receive.

 Without the belief, trust and enthusiasm you feel like a failure. When in fact, that failure you just experienced, was nothing more than a stepping-stone, a learning experience, an open door to the next opportunity.

When these ‘failures’ happen- take a moment, be still and listen. Listen to the voice inside you. Then get up, dust yourself off and take actions to explore the next adventure.

Remember- every trip, fall, stumble, detour or for a lack of a better word ‘failure’, is the Universe nudging you, or shaking you awake telling you it’s time to move on to the next level. One-step closer to your calling and all its abundance.

 

Now put down that tub of Ben & Jerry’s and move your ass….

March to the beat of your own drum.....

If you compromise your desires, you will compromise your strength. – Tama Kieves

That is a powerful statement. A statement that spoke to me in a very deep and profound way. All too often we listen to the people closest to us, parents, teachers, friends and loved ones,  to take the safe path in life. To always “do the right thing”; take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path.

Being rational, safe, predicable, and practical is not always the true reality of you and your soul’s desire; it can actually hold you back from doing what you are put on this earth  to do. There are times when rational, safe, predicable, and practical can smother your dreams to death.

Did Steve Job, Bill Gates, or Mark Zuckerberg take the rational, safe, predicable, and practical path? No, they marched to the beat of their own drums and followed their desires without looking back. They believed deep within themselves what they were doing was the work they were meant to do.

Sometimes it’s thought, ‘I don’t have an office, I don’t have the right credentials on my resume`’ Maybe you aren’t sure what exactly you are meant to do in life, but you know for certain what you are doing now isn’t’ it. Waiting to achieve the ‘office and or credentials’ or waiting to the perfect time to get started. News Flash- it is never a perfect time. Procrastination is just another form of fear and excuses. You feel that restlessness, almost like a gravitational pull away from what you are currently doing. As long as you continue to wait for the perfect time and procrastinate, you will continue to feel this restlessness. I believe this restlessness is your soul speaking to you, whispering and beckoning you to wake up.

Believe it, feel it and it will manifest into reality.

 

Now- pass me the Bongos... I have some marching to do.

 

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Words are very powerful. We constantly say things like:

I do not know….

I don’t have the money….

I don’t have the time….

I want to do ____, but I don’t know how…

It’s time to change the way you speak. Be very conscience of your words.

If you speak the word ‘want’, you are coming from a state of lacking.

Everything you have ever wanted and desired already exists. You just have to believe it and align your mind, your heart, and your actions so you can manifest it into reality.

Start by replacing “I want”- with “I will” for example:

I will write a book…

I will travel to Mexico...

I will help people…

I will go back to school…

I want vs. I will paradigm is VERY powerful.  

Change ‘I don’t know” into things like:

I am available to receive guidance.

I am figuring it out….

Another powerful tool to help manifest what already exists for you, is to take action. Nothing comes out of thin air.

Book and event or a trip that you have been “wanting to do” and turn it into something you “will do.” Even if you don’t have the money or the time now. Once it has booked you will be surprised how easily you come up with the money and the time. Think about it- we can always come up with a hundred different ways why right now is not the right time. It is NEVER the right time.

Once you change, “want” into “will” and you take the action; keep moving forward. Make sure you see it through and finish. It is easy to start telling yourself reasons why you should quit, like:

It is too expensive…

It is too hard…

 

Align your thoughts, feelings, actions, and consciences and you will see the magic.

Live consciously and get the hell out of your own way….

Ain't NOBODY got time for that shit....

You have heard the term "Frenemy"- Someone who you think is your friend & confidant, however in reality is more an enemy. Personally- the word enemy is a bit harsh. I like to think of it as an insecure, jealous, envious, judgmental, hypocritical, & miserable person.

I have in resent past encountered person(s) like mentioned above myself. Someone, who I thought of highly as a friend, turned out to me nothing more than a schoolyard bully in an adult body.

A person that was emotionally stunted and for whatever reason was never able to mature and evolve into a fully rounded, open-minded adult. A person who, surrounds themselves with likeminded adult bullies and “frenemies” to make themselves feel superior.

When sadly, in reality, these likeminded people are just waiting on the chance excrete their own version of insecurity, jealously, enviousness, judgment, hypocrisy and misery on their ‘friend’.

 

It is a vicious cycle, and…

 

Ain’t NOBODY got time for that shit…

Parent from a place of love not hate....

Divorce is never pleasant or easy, especially if there are children involved. Far too often parents make the mistake of fighting and name-calling in front of child/children and try to manipulate them to choose a ‘side’.  This ALWAYS backfires.

When I decided to leave my marriage, it took almost three years for my divorce to be officially final. I the beginning, we were peaceful and then things turned and we each fought tooth and nail for custody of our son. After a long year custody battle, I was rewarded primary custody, the official divorce shortly followed.

Once the dust settled, my ex and I talked for a very long time and agreed that we both never doubted the love for our son. We both agreed to actively co-parent our son. We created him from a place of love; we should continue to parent him from the same place and mutual respect.

Shortly after our divorce, my ex remarried. I know many women who HATE the new wife and label her as the evil stepparent. However, I have always encouraged my son to be nice to his father’s new wife. She is kind to my son and honestly, I could not wish for a better bonus mom for him. No one could ever replace me, but I am comforted that there is a woman who loves him and cares for him in my absence.

For our son, divorce has been good for him and us combined. We were not able to give our son what he needed and desired together. However, we are now able to give him more than he could ever ask for. We are separate but working together. I can tell you it shows in our son. He is the kindest and purest human being on the planet.

I wish all divorced parents could put their differences aside and choose to raise their children ‘together’. I also wish parent stop refusing the other parents parenting time. Children need their mom and dad. If you are a single mother and you are lucky enough to have an ex that wants to lead and active life in your child’s life, let him. There are far too many deadbeats out there.

When my son is with his father during his parenting time, I enjoy it. I get to have some “me” time and my son gets to have his “Daddy time”.

Personally, I think our son is the luckiest kid around. He has the best of both worlds and he knows that without a doubt he can trust both of his parents.

Parent from a place of love not hate....

Fly higher...

Many ancient cultures have had conceptions that the Earth was flat. An archaic belief that the Earth’s shape is a plane or a disk. In ancient time’s people could not fly high enough to see the curvature of the Earth and know that it is in fact round. Much like our lives really, we are stuck in a rut. We think our lives are flat and boring and cannot seem to get a grip of what we really should be doing with our lives.

A few lucky people were born with an internal knowledge of what their lives purpose is, and go after it with full force and never doubting. Most of us, well people like me, have not been blessed with he knowledge of our life’s purpose.

We cannot seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe we need to fly higher to see the curvature of change ahead. This got me thinking... just because we are not where we thought we would be life, living out our dream career; why not it fake until you make it.

I want to be a writer. Currently, I am not a legitimate writer. I have no formal training, other than this blog and maybe a few others I do not have anything published to legitimize myself with a title of WRITER!

However, that does not stop me of dreaming, flying a little higher, and telling myself that I am indeed a writer. By changing my state of consciousness and shifting my thought process, I am one-step closer of being a writer. I have the power to change my own reality. The key is to truly believe it.

You too, have this same power. Let go of all the negativity that fills your head and the excuses of why you are not able to do what it is you want to pursue in life. Remember this, Dreams are realized in a world without excises. Start living, dreaming, and creating your own reality that YOU want to live and stop excusing your life and dreams away.

 Change your state of consciousness, believe and fly higher.