YOU are a BADASS!

I feel as if I am in a transitional period in my life. I am 38 years old and I still do not know what I want to do when I grow up. When does a person know when they have officially grown up? I have no clue.

Looking back it seems I have been wondering aimlessly my entire life with no real career goals. I have always heard people say, “Do what you love, and it will never feel like work”.

So, I asked myself… what do I love? What are my passions in life? Do I actually have any passions? I mean, I have things that I enjoy doing, but am I really passionate about them? Oh shit, I have no passions!! What does THAT mean? I am screwed!

First, I looked up the definition of Passion. This is what Google says:

1.    noun

Noun: passion; plural noun: passions; noun: Passion; noun: the Passion

1.    1.

Strong and barely controllable emotion.

"A man of impetuous passion"

§  A state or outburst of strong emotion.

Second, I made a list of things I really enjoy, however I would not consider passionate.

·         Reading – Honestly, I do not have time to read so I am in love with Audio books.

·         Cooking – I do not suck, I am pretty darn good. THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

·         Writing- This is a fairly new hobby and something I want to explore further.

·         My doggie- Ok, honestly I am slightly obsessed with them.

·         People- I am a social person.

So what does a reading, foodie, aspiring writer, dog-loving people person do for a living? I am in Logistics and Transportation and I am attempting to dabble in Real Estate, which is turning out to be an epic fail. In addition, I find my day job to be soul sucking. I am chained to a desk 8-10 hours a day and made to do things for money.

Queue in the self-loathing. Self-deprecation is something I have totally mastered in my life. Is this why I am having a hard time identifying my passions?

Yesterday, I started listing to Jen Sencero’s book “YOU are a BADASS- how to stop doubting YOUR GREATNESS and start living an AWESOME LIFE”

Yes, I know... it is a self-help book, but who doesn’t need a little self-help from time to time. I have to say I am feeling a little inspired. For a while, I have been feeling nothing. Just not trying to rock the boat, going with the flow. I am tired of that. I want to be in control of my own schedule and life and not by someone else... I.E Boss.

In the meantime, I have decided to take the advice of Jen and her book and I am going to start meditations and yoga and saying affirmations. This is supposed to clear all of the junk in my head and maybe, just maybe I’ll discover what it is that I am passionate about.

My first affirmation : YOU are a BADASS!!!

Enjoy the ride....

Life has not turned out the way I imagined it as a child/teenager. Of course it never does. In addition, if I try to think back on what my ideas on grown up life was, it is somewhat hard to remember. What I do remember is being a teenager, full of angst and insecurities and looking at woman my age now and having a sense of envy. I remember thinking:  when I am that age I am going, to have it all figured out and I will be more confident and know exactly what to do with my life. Basically, I thought I would have my shit together. In reality, this is the furthest thing from the truth.

 

I have been married twice and I have three children, two of which I have a strained relationship with. I live thousands of miles away from my family, which has been a personal choice, but it has been a struggle. After two divorces, loss, struggle, two kids deciding to life with their father and trying hard to keep it together on a daily basis, I am filled with more uncertainty and anxieties than ever. I still feel like that insecure teenager at the age of 38.   I wondered the other day, those women I used to envy if they had the same feelings then that I do now.  

 

I have always been very high strung, a little overly dramatic and never had any patience. I still am to this day, all these things however a little less day by day. I credit the slow transformation to my longtime boyfriend, Eric. Eric is the most patient person on the planet. I am sure it helps that he is hard of hearing and has mastered the skill of just tuning out, but his core nature is extremely calm. Over the past three and a half years, he has taught me many life lessons. He never judges people, which frankly I find very fascinating. Of course, like me, Eric came with his own past baggage. However, he never let it affect our relationship. I on the other hand, willing wrapped myself up in all sorts of drama.

 

It takes a very strong man to be with me any length of time. I am not talking about physical strength; I am talking about emotional strength. Eric has that. It is not easy. Relationships are hard work. I make mistakes every day; he never judges me but loves me through them. I have learned a lot from Eric over the years and I am still learning every day; about me, what it is that I want in life and the areas of my life I am not proud of and are a work in progress. However, aren’t we all? Nobody is perfect. My past does not define me it has enhanced me. My future is unknown, as is everyone’s future. There are no guarantees in life. Just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.

 

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, Life is a journey, not a destination.

 

Enjoy the ride…….

 

 

Phenomenal Woman, By Dr. Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Why you should always wear underwear and never trust a mumbling sleeping man’s word…

I have posted about my hectic mornings before and with the kids on summer vacation, my mornings still are not any less hectic. You would think that with fewer kids to herd in the morning, I would have more time to get ready. However, sadly, that is not the case.

I can recall the alarm going off at 6AM and I attempted to hit the snooze button but instead I inevitably turned off the alarm. Which actually started a “misunderstand argument”, I’ll explain more of that later.

This morning I had a very hard time prying myself out of bed. It has been storming and there is nothing more I enjoy than sleeping through a thunderstorm. Eric has been working late this week, and I mean into the early morning hours. When I finally got out of bed, around 630AM, I asked Eric “Is your dad coming to get the kids this morning?” He moved and mumbled that he would call him when he woke up to get the kids to let them all sleep. Therefore, I did just that. I sent Eric’s dad a text telling him not to come and get the kids this morning they were all sleeping.

I went upstairs, got a drink of water, got my phone, and let the dogs out. I sat on the front stoop scrolling through my Facebook feeds and watching the dogs run through the neighbor’s sprinkler. I could have stayed on the stoop for another hour; however, it was time to get ready.

Like every morning, the pups follow me into the bathroom, lie on my dirty clothes, and watch me get ready. After my shower, I kept thinking about what I was going to wear all day long. Standing in my closet I realized, Ben, my son, has 10 times more clothes than I do. I decided on a long skirt and a top and realized I was out of underwear. I really need to bring the laundry upstairs and put everything away. I made a mental note to grab a pair from the laundry room on the way out of the door.

I managed to pack my lunch once back on the main level and put the doggies back in the kennel before walking out the door.

Half way to work, I realize I am not wearing any underwear. I knew instantly this day was going to shit from there on out.

Later that morning I got a frantic phone call from Eric; “WTF? You turned the alarm off and now I’m late for work.” I asked you this morning, and you told me you were not going in until later. I did what you asked me to”, I replied. “NO I did not!” “How is this my fault?” I asked. “Because you turned off my alarm.”

He did not talk to me for the rest of the day…

 This is why you should always wear underwear and never trust a mumbling sleeping man’s word…

 

You can't make this stuff up......

Here are a series of random conversations I've had so far this week:

Unnamed: I broke my back a couple of years ago.

Me : How on earth did you break your back?

Unnamed: Let's just say there was a sex-swing and a trampoline involved.

<CRICKETS>

Me: Um... Okay. You must not have been very good. Just sayin'.


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Me: How many loads can you move out of Atlanta this week?

Unnamed: I can move as many loads as you want for the right price. As long as I can make a little bit of money I'll move the loads.

Me: That's good to know.

Unnamed: I'm like a cheap whore.

Me: LOL- well that's good to know.

Unnamed: I'm not afraid to admit it. Want me to put on my "Jester suit" and do a dance.

Me: No thanks.


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Unnamed: I think I might dress up as a clown this Halloween.

Me: I don't like clowns. I think they are creepy.

Unnamed: Why? It's not like Midgets.

Me: I have a irrational fear of "Little People".

Unnamed: What if I hire a Midget and have him dress as a clown, and send him to you as a present.

Me: My worst nightmare!!

Unnamed: You know you are going to hell for hating on Midgets.

Me: First of all, they are called "Little People" and second I didn't say it was right, but it is what it is. I freeze in their presence. I can't help it. Then I stare and I don't know what to do.

Unnamed: Yup, you're going to hell.

Me: Well, I'll save you a seat. Why did you call for anyway? To tell me about you Halloween costume in June?


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This has been a strange week so far and it's only Wednesday.

You can't make this stuff up, people...