...can we talk?

Parents, let’s get real. Being a parent sucks, sometimes. Kids aren’t that great, sometimes. There are times when you understand why some species eat their young.

It doesn’t matter if you are working parent or a stay at home parent. In my eyes, we are all working parents. Parenting is hard, damn hard and extremely thankless. Especially teenagers. Long gone are the days of the cute little baby and adventurous toddler. Now you are housing a half adult- that stomps around the house pissed to the gills when his/her demands aren’t met. Some days, it feels like you’re a hostage negotiator!  You win some and you lose some.

‘Turn off your game, son. You need to empty the dishwasher.’

‘Mom, let me finish this round, ok, like ten more minutes.’

‘ No I need you to do it now.’

‘Geez, Mom- only ten minutes’

‘Ok, you better shut it down after ten minutes or you will lose you chance to play tomorrow’

Then there are days your children manage to shame you. Unintentionally of course- that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

My son recently said to me-

‘Mom, I need a new back pack, new football gloves and can you buy me a game for the P. S 4?’ ‘No, I can’t buy you a new game, you still have last year’s back pack and where are the gloves I bought you for last season?’
 ‘Why can’t you buy me the game? I don’t know where my gloves are and my back pack is old.’

 ‘ Do you think I am made of money? I don’t have extra for those things right now.’

 ‘ Don’t you have a bank account and a job?

 ‘Yes, I have three accounts, that doesn’t mean there is money in them!

 ‘ I don’t understand how you don’t have money, you have a job!

He had the most condescending tone and disgusted look on his face, he actually made me feel bad about myself.

 

I fired back: ‘Are you playing Football? Do you money one your lunch account? Do you have a roof over your head? Did you eat dinner tonight? THAT’s where all my money goes!’

I realize they are young and do not have a concept of the value of money and things. It’s hard feeling like you don’t measure up to your children’s expectations.

There are days when I look at them whilst they sleep and think ‘Made it through another day. They are fed, alive and only slightly emotionally scarred!’

The reality is, we have a short time with our children before they embark on their own life’s journey. We put too much pressure on ourselves as parents. We have one shot to get it right. Fortunately, there is always therapy! If you fuck it up too bad, your child will spend the rest of their years in therapy blaming you for their short comings.

 

So no pressure Mom’s and Dad’s.

All I know is after my oldest child was a toddler and giving me hell with her daily shenanigans. I apologized to my mother. I was sorry for all the mean things I said to her and all the hateful things I thought. I now know, this was my “payback”.

I would like to hear from other parents. What are your struggles? What are you wins and losses? Do you sometimes feel like you are failing as a parent? Do you sometimes feel like you are running on E- ALL DAY LONG?

 

 

Let's talk about it..

 

Paella- NOT!

Paella. I remember eating it on a family vacation in Spain many years back. It was a show stopper. It’s the kind of dish that was talked about for years to follow. So naturally, I wanted to recreate that experience.

I knew we were going to host Eric’s sister and her family for a  week – I thought, what a perfect time to WOW them with Paella. A week before their arrival, I spent hours online researching recipes. Weeding through countless YouTube and Food Network videos. Finally- two recipes I liked. I loved Bobby Flay’s ingredients and Tyler Florence’s method. In true Azra fashion, I would combine them and make it my own!

I had it all planned out- I was going to make Paella on Friday! I can’t tell you how excited I was-  I was finally going to use my Paella pan for what is was designed for Paella. I had previously been using the pan for just about everything else, I was in love with that pan!

I had envisioned spending hours creating this masterpiece. Enthusiastically presenting the fully loaded pan to my wide eyed table. Follow by accolades of “OHHHHH’S” &“AHHHH’s” and of course applause!

Wednesday, two days before, I went to one of the local Hen House market. I knew Hen house had a great Sea Food counter. I bought mussels ß I was pleasantly at the price for 2 lbs. I bought one clam, that’s all they had. I got Scallops, cod fillets and shrimp. I also picked up the boneless chicken thighs and andouille sausage. I drove home beaming with my seafood finds. All together a little pricey, to me well worth it.

Thursday, one day before, I called another Hen House branch to see if they had clam. They did! Over lunch, I picked up the clams and 4 lobster tails. I double checked my list and also bought Saffron ß $18.00 for like a few strands. Again, worth every penny.

Friday, all day I talked about how I was to embark on this culinary journey. Showing pictures to colleagues and telling them how amazing this will be. I left work early.

Walked straight into the kitchen and started prepping. I got Ben and Fiona involved- as they enjoyed watching the clams and mussels blow bubbles as I submerged them into water to have them purge. I spent a total of three hours scrubbing, chopping, rinsing, mincing and dicing. Eric would periodically walk into the kitchen to “check things out” and to tell me he loves me and retreat back into the office. During one brief visit to the kitchen he said to me “ You should make it in two batches, it’s not all going to fit into that pan.” Annoyed with him, I hissed back “YES IT WILL!!” Once everything was prepped, I arranged everything nicely on the counter to snap a picture. I posted it on Facebook with the caption ‘ Everything is prepped… it’s time to make magic…’

Assembly, I followed all the steps, browned the chicken and the sausage- remove from pan. Sautéed the onions, garlic and parsley. Everything was perfect, until I noticed my pan was uneven, which created hot spots. Things just got worse once I added the wine and broth. And Yes Eric was right- not everything was going to fit into my pan. Things went from bad to “OH SHIT!” in seconds. Before I knew it the entire house was filled with smoke. The hot spots were causing certain area to burn. I added too much broth for the pan- and it was dripping EVERYWHERE!

Even my dogs, who constantly underfoot, were hiding in corners giving me side glances of uncertainness. Their little eyes were stinging from the thick smoke filing the air.

I was able to remove the pan from the stove and rest it on the wooden cutting board. Which created more smoke. I started yelling four letter words in frustration. At about that point Eric walks back into the kitchen waving his hand in front of his face, “Baby, does it taste good? Phew it’s Smoky!”

“IT’S RUINED!! IT’S BURNED! IT’S OVER!”

At this point the tear started- Eric gently took my shoulder and said- “ Stop crying! We can fix this! Baby, stop crying!”

That scorched flavor perfumed the entire dish. Lucky, we were able to remove a lot of the shell fish and rinse it off. All the chicken, Sausage, fish and rice was ruined. Along with the $18.00 for the Saffron, which was infused with the broth.

It was over for me. I felt depressed, devastated and at this point totally exhausted. My dream of making a masterpiece was crushed in a matter of 15mins. After weeks of research, planning and prepping.

Eric went to the store for chicken, sausage, shrimp and scallops. I didn’t have it in me for a do over. I was done- we were able to turn what we had into a seafood soup/stew. I cooked some rice and served the stew over it.

Eric’s sister enjoyed it and so did her son. For me, the burned scorched taste was lingering.

Eric helped me clean up- apparently the pan was so hot it burned the wooden cutting board. I cleaned the pan that put it away. I haven’t used the pan since. The pan that I loved so much and bragged to everyone with “I love this pan!” posts- failed me.

I can never trust this pan again....