Life coming full circle.......

Every year on my children's birthdays, I reminisce and tell them their birth stories. And every year they would sigh and say things like "OMG- here she goes again." "Mom, please don't cry, Oh God, she's crying!"

I can't help it. I can't! Those were life changing events for me. I want them to know how they made their grand entrance into this world. Today, I will share with you my daughter Lucie's birth story.

I was 19 years old, married and we were living in Junction City, KS. Like most 19 year olds, I thought I knew everything. Reality, I didn't know shit. This was soon to be revealed to me.
I was two weeks over due with Lucie and completely miserable. After begging my Dr. he finally agreed to induce me on Dec 9th 1995.

They day of induction was pretty routine. IV med, heart monitors, baby monitors, Dr.'s and nurses in and out of the room, me sucking on ice chips, you know the normal stuff. Then it came time to push. I remember thinking how amazing it was that my body just knew- something primal takes over when you are delivering a baby. I knew- Now!- I have to push. So- I pushed and pushed. I felt like I pushed for hours- I was exhausted. The Dr. suggested to bring out a mirror, so I could see my progress and watch myself push this child out. The mirror was incredibly helpful. As I pushed I saw Lucie's head make her way out. Finally- after hours of pushing- one last push and Lucie was out.

I firmly believe Lucie was a born talker. She came out screaming. She was pissed. The Dr. laid her on my belly and she was this tight little package. There she was, this little pissed of being- Lucie had shit to say and opinions from day one.

What I didn't know at the tender age of 19- when I thought I knew everything- was that you bleed after birth. Not just a normal period bleed, I mean you B.L.E.E.D! The first time I stood up out of bed to use the bathroom, I had blood rushing down my legs. I just stood there crying- thinking something was wrong. Looking back on it now- I laugh at how naïve I was.

What stood out the most to me was the day we left the hospital. Lucie's father got to carry her out of the hospital. He stood tall- taller than he actually was- and proud. He had large tears falling him his face- all while smiling the biggest smile I have ever witnessed. I knew, in that moment, that was the happiest day of his life. I recently recognized that same smile in a picture Lucie shared with me when her father came to visit. Both standing next to one another his hand on her belly- and that same proud smile.

Life coming full circle.......

I can't believe my Baby is having a Baby.......and she's doing it in style.

My daughter, Lucie, is expecting her first child later this year. I have to be honest- I cried when she first told me. Not happy tears, but sad tears because I just turned 40 and I was NOT ready to be a Grandmother. Yes, sadly I admit, I made it all about me. <insert eye roll>-

After letting that thought set in - about 24 hours later, I was filled with this repeating thought- 'My Baby is having a Baby.... My Baby is having a Baby.'

A week later after Lucie send me a picture of her first sonogram picture- I was madly in love. I found myself strolling through the baby section in stores. Constantly fighting to urge to purchase just about everything that I saw. I didn't know I could love someone so much- with sight unseen.

The Love I feel for Lucie's child is a different Love I felt for my children when I was expecting them. This Love, comes from a deeper soulful place in my heart. I never knew that kind of Love existed.

Someone told me recently- Grandchildren are your rewards for not eating your own children. LOL!
Parent with toddlers and teenager know how tempting eating ones young becomes when they drive you BATSHIT crazy!

I will admit, I was a little worried about Lucie having a child so young. She is 20. I had her at 19 and I know how difficult it is- I remember what a struggle my 20's were. I had two kids back to back. My 20's were a blur. However, those worries soon left me. I remember when we brought my second child, my oldest Son, home. Lucie was 16 months old and in diapers. Lucie quickly realized she was no longer the baby when she recognized her brother was also wearing diapers. She pointed at him and said- "Baby!" and then pointed at herself and said "No Baby!" She promptly took off her diaper and climbed on top of the toilet and squatted to pee.

Lucie's was born to be a mother. When she was growing up- she was the "Boss" amongst her  younger brothers when I wasn't home. I sometimes had to remind her- " I am the mother here."
Without a doubt, I know what a wonderful mother is going to be. She has had plenty of training.

I can't believe my Baby is having a Baby...... and she's doing it in style.