Having a girlfriend is priceless- you cannot buy friendship.

I have realized something in recent days; I have no girlfriends. Sure- I have friends on social media and a ton of acquaintances, but I can honestly say I do not have a friend.  I know people that I care about and that lives over a 1000 miles away- we text from time to time, but can go weeks sometimes even months without saying a word.

When I mean girlfriend- I mean a person- that lives close by- someone I can share girl stuff with, laugh, cry, dump all my shit on and who will always be in my corner even when I am wrong and share a bottle of wine with- or two.  

I left home at 19 and never looked back. I married two military men; moved a lot- overseas and back a couple of times. I have met people and stayed contacted with some. Now 20 years, two divorces and two grown children later- I wish I had a girlfriend. I am in a long-term committed relationship, but that is not the same.

Honestly- I do not know if I would know how to have a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship. In the past- I thought I had such a relationship and share my girl shit and talked and cried and laughed- but in the end was only judged and rejected because that “friend” didn’t agree with my ideas- partner and life situation. That kind of rejection is very painful. I know now- I am had better off- but at the time saying, it was a slap in the face is an understatement.

I admire those who have lifelong friends- that have seen them through the best of times and through the worst of times. If you are a woman and lucky enough to have a girlfriend (BFF) - hold on to that. Because finding someone that “gets you”, is quick to spout out “that bitch”, and has your back- is truly hard to find.

Having a girlfriend is priceless- you cannot buy friendship.

Where the heck did the time go?

Today, I was remembering back many years ago, when my older kids were very little. I was thinking about the time I had to fly from Kansas City, MO back to Germany with two children under the age of two. A lot of that time in my life is a blur, but this particular experience I will never forget.

I flew from Kansas City, MO to LaGuardia, NY. LGA was enormous compared to the airport in Kansas City. I had to, with two very small children- still in diapers- pick up our luggage and head over to the International Terminal and check in for our flight.

That entire process was a nightmare to say the least. I recall trying to push one and pull another luggage cart filled to the top, with suitcases tittering from all sides. I needed to take an elevator up but both kids and carts would not fit. Luckily, a nice airport attendant helped me. She pushed one cart while I pushed the other, each with a child. After, what seemed like hours, we finally made it to the International terminal to stand in line to check in. The line was one of the longest lines I had ever seen and it moved at the speed of snail. The kids were good for the most part, but once I got closer and closer for my turn at the counter, and the kind woman left me all hell started to break loose.

While trying to balance two children on each hip, I was fumbling through my carryon bags to find our passports and tickets. Picture this- kids crying, snot running down their noses, me bouncing trying to “shush” them, me apologizing to be very under paid and annoyed ticket person.

I remember feeling so overwhelmed and frustrated. I was cursing my then husband in my mind at the time for having me go through this entire process alone. How dare he? THAT ASS!

I must have been a sight- after for what felt like forever- a elderly woman broke ranks in line and said, “For Heaven’s sake, you are chocking that child!” She reached out and grabbed my youngest- which I was apparently holding in a chock hold, with his little legs dangling from behind - Right about this point is when I lost it, and broke into the ugly cry.

I finally pulled myself together, we were the first ones allowed to board the plane. I do not remember much about that flight. I do however recall the biggest sigh of relief that I felt when we  landed and I was off that plane.

Sometimes, it feels like it was just yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago.

Where the heck did the time go?